Well, I found out that my ex-owner of the restaurant hired a chef who I know. She told me that she doesn't want to run another restaurant any more. I was like okay fine. I don't know why but I feel kind of used. I design the kitchen with my experiences. Now, i feel like it will become his style and whenever I open my own, I might be a copycat. I don't know how to describe my feeling. I put so much effort on my restaurant and it is gone. I should not look back. I didn't want to see someone in my kitchen which I created. That could be only my greed. Well the kitchen came from my brain but the fund wasn't so the kitchen belongs to money. I wasn't good enough to cook at my own kitchen.
Well, it is just shock to me.
In Korea, I think many people hate me. the way I think, the way I talk and the way whatever I do.
There was a cook who used to work with. Since I found he has some skills that I don;t have, he was my first choice to recruit. he got along well and we work together to make something good. He did his part well. The day we packed our stuffs, I told him that we should catch up for beer. He already made plans and didn't even give me any chance to talk about what happen.
After few weeks passed, I realized that he was un-friend with on facebook. I do not know why. Maybe he slipped the fingers. Or he doesn't think that I am a chef anymore. Well, I don't hate him. He never told me how he think of me. At the last day, I just wanted to talk about many things. He might have figured out who I am already. That could be the reason he doesn't want to talk me any more. How should I know??
Well, I do sometimes scare of working with Korean. It is harder than any other country I used to work. I don't know why I am not acceptable in Korea even though I am a Korean.
There are not many people recognize me as a chef in Korea. The ex-owner said if the business has not pick up in a month, there no reason to continue. New chef is like new rock star in the industry. I am sure that people will come and packed everyday. It also will proof that I am not as good as him.
Hold on, what is the stand of how good?? I got so much negative feeling on me. Well, I just wanna be a different. I don't just wanna be a better chef but different chef. I should create the field that shows me that who I am. Who the fuck am I?? I am is I am. I know my attitude suck. I do not care. I got no time to check on me because I have to think about how I cook and what I cook. In Korea, my age is 35 but I am 33 and half. I do believe that I am still young and strong. To stand up by myself will take bit longer but I will one day. I am looking for the moment of slapping my face. I got to wake up and I got to find something that only I can do. Until then, the journey never ends
