Miss New York

This photo remind me the photo of New York that I took., which is below. All of sudden, I found that I actually miss New York. Even though the place is messy and smelly but, it has the character and everyone want to have it and I had it. People are right 'hate you will be love you'.
I decide to stay at Brussels. I didn't plan to stay. It was just stopping by. I was on the way to do world tour. Shit happens and it became hard everyday. I found a job in Brussels as a catering chef. I thought it would be good chance to get involve in the catering part since I used to a private chef and I guess that is what I am gonna do, i guess.
Since I can stay here and people get recognize me as a chef at Neptune although I am just a second, here would be the good start of creating my own cuisine. It would be very tough. People might not be ready for new comer.
I always say to myself that if I will have my own place to cook, it will be at New York. I still do want to be at New York more than any other places. However, Brussels might be the good start of opening tiny New York door. It might be good title of me 'A Korean Chef from Brussels'.
One day, I saw a place where I want to have my own place here in Brussels. That actually hit me to think about stating from here to NYC. This would be my question for everyday 'Do I really want to start from here?'.
I still don't have any answer for myself, just giving me theories. For now, I just focus on my job and will see what  it's gonna happen.
My life is good since I actually live under the roof. I have a job which makes me love my job more. I want to be happy and, apparently, Brussels is the place. I still don't know how much I love Brussels yet. it always requires some times. As my told me ' Enjoy whatever you got' I guess that is what I do 'Live my life'. I live for my life and I feel great to do. I guess I love myself that I can't love anyone but I still do love NYC. One day, I will be back, just count on me, New York

lost stories

Since I lost everything, I am starting all over again. Just simple object shacks my life. It seem like natural disaster, which you can not control over it but you should learn how to deal with it.

My story begins with the first trip to work with chef Katsumi Ishida.
I met him when I was at Le Verre Vole . He is a friend with my co worker Ryo. He is a Japanese chef . He is a great guy and chef. I respect him a lot as a chef. He always treat me like as if I am his apprentice but he trust me to do many things. By the way, Ryo opened Le Verre vole Tokyo. With Natural wine connection in France, many people talk about chef Katsumi Ishida. He is the rock star among natural wine makers. He like rock and always rock and roll. Before I left Verre Vole, I had a chance to meet him again because he came by the restaurant to hang out. I want to be his friend and he should show me some tricks. That is why I asked him, with my bad French, if I can have a stagiaire at his kitchen and he accepted me, just right there soon after I asked him. I was hungry for learn new technics of cooking. I did not ask him to pay me because I wanted to learn to be a chef. 2 months at Lyon was great times, except someone pushed me so I was bleeding and, my computer was stolen same night. After all I could not  write at all. It became my good excuse of not much writing even though I call myself as a writer on my card. Now, I got my new 300 euro window vistar computer. Shit computer but I just want to happy to see all the porn whenever I want to see. haha, it may just be a jock. I saved good enough money to travel around the world but living at the hostel was way too expensive for non-income. I had to push myself to limit to see how far I can go on. It was a part of my life experience.

it's 2 in the morning

what am I doing until this hours?? Well, I've been drinking. In the morning, I tasted little more Whiskey from last night. Well, it actually punches me to wake me up. Bang! Okay I am ready to do any stupid shits. Suck on you, it's my day off and I deserve to have some fun. Even though I am sure I got marry to my work, that is why I can't get any lady, I need some fun. More likely, it might like cheating on my wife in order to have more fun with her. You might think I am crazy. Do not tell me twice because I know. I love what I do now. I finally reached the level which I am allow to be creative. I work fucking my ass off to be there. i am not a just a fucking cooking robot any more. The restaurant opens only 4 days a week but, I work from morning 'till night. I want to do many things so I don't stop working. My boss want to pay every hours i work on but I said I do not care how many hours I work. Only matter is what I have done.
So, as you can see, I love to working fucking hard. Therefore, let me do whatever I wanna do sometimes. I am a fucking crazy person and wanna keep in this way. A fucking crazy chef, that is who I want to be when I grow up. I feel sometimes I am a boy trapped in man's body. Anyhow, I am a professional chef, yo mother-fucker. haha. I am just massing you around, yo!
Shit, I just found a blog called Fuck You Very Much - fuck you is new thank you. I love the concept and visuals. I found that my blog also need something more. I do write but I do need some photos as well. I don't want to put any other photos but mine. Unfortunately, my camera was stolen and, I am saving money for the new one. Losing something is hurtful for the first time but on the bright side, I could get better one next time as long as I can afford it. I get paid good enough to do whatever I want to do which is kinda makes me feel like successing, which mean =ing version of success. It is still progressive. Not always successfully done something great things but fail is the most key ingredient of being success anyway.
Where was I?? Alright. I started writing 2 in the morning and now is 3. fucking hell. Writing a little note took me an hour. Well, I was talking to my chef buddy on facebook, searching for music and video which I was going to watch after done with writing.
One more drink and one more episode of Califonaication, after then, I gotta sleep. Tomorrow is another day of my day offs and I need to do something, finally, before working days. I will keep writing and you will keep reading whatever I write on here. Thanks for listing because my voice might echoing in your brain

my place

In Brussels, I got a job which makes me feel as if i am an actual chef. Then, I got a place to live. My place is something like you might have seen in 80's movies. The studio seems to be frozen time from 80's. The 80's style studio with the window view of 19 century city but I am actually living in 21 century, funny. When I first time saw the room, I didn't feel like fitting into me. First of all, it was kinda big studio for myself. Well, my past apartments was pretty small since I didn't want to pay too much for it, the studio I got is still good deal for the size and location. Especially, the studio i had in Paris was the most smallest room I've never had in my life. Now in Brussels, I got biggest studio in my life.
Even though I am from 80's, I didn't like the style of the studio. The kitchen is way too small, I know I am not gonna cook much at home but I am a chef and need a proper kitchen just in case of cooking for someone special. There were too many furniture that I do not need all. For instant, additional single bad just takes the space. Previously, there were one single mom and a kid used to live. That is why there is a double bed and a single bed.
Anyhow, soon as I moved there, I rearrange whole place. Now, I like my place a lot. One thing is that I haven't slept on the double bed for ages so, I still sleep one side of the bed. I need a lady to fill in, i guess and i wish. I use the single bed as my 'nap bed' and as a couch. I totally pimped up my place. Next thing I am gonna do is to put my photo works on my walls. I am thinking of using my place as well as a gallery, will see what's gonna happen.
I feel like settling down in Brussels. It is feeling of saying ' You know what? I want to stay.' I've been moving around and I finally found the point of staying and focus on my career. I got a place to live and a job to work. I think my life will get smoother. It's been only 3 months in Brussels and I still don't know here. However, I think it would be really cool to live here for a while.
Belgium is 6th country that I've been working as a chef. In this stage, I should rich up my skill and knowledge. My life turns up hill. There is still far far away to reach the top but I am not looking forward to reach the top yet, I will keep looking up to be there. There is no more worries and struggles but happiness and potential for me. As I like to say often 'Love more, smile more and then much more happier', feel cool to be stand alone and strong.
The last words: I will have the house warming party next month so, you all are invited! Come!

The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover

One of the best movie with cooking I've never seen. The color contras, the interior of the restaurant, the cook's creation, so vivid color of his wife's dress and every scenes of this movie, even horrify ending, I love everything about this movie

Living in Provence

Where I am right now is called La-Drome-Provence and the town I am staying is Valaurie. I've no I idea what it means but even the name sounds beautiful, isn't it? At the farm, I've been here 3 weeks already and I don't feel like to move. This could be my actual first time for feeling of staying. Thinking of have you ever had thought of 'no, I want to stay'. I think I never had had once. Even though when I stay with my family, I always find a way to stay away from them. I think I finally found my peace here. I became little slow down and relax little bit, simply eat well, work well, and make sure enjoy well.

about a girl and girls II

I feel like i am confidence with ladies since I met many ladies in the half of my life. The ladies make me feel like a man and I've been enjoy it. I can talk dirty shit or bit nasty until she gave me a sign of 'now is the time to stop'. Haha, I am an asshole, I am saying! what can I say, I grew up with girls. Imagine that I was always with girl, cousins and my sister, it was way too much. I might act like a school girl sometimes but, deep inside of me, I am the fucking man.

what happen last two months??

Here are the things that happened to me. My computer was stolen which is the biggest thing for me. Some stupid mother fucker took my baby away and I want my baby back to keep writing and have my own entertainment. who-the-fuck-ever you are, you will pay for taking other person's belongs.
I feel kinda more likely lost myself after all. I don't know. A day before I came to France, my computer broken down and I had no choice but brought it with me anyhow. I used to use my buddy's computer when I started to live in France. Once my friend needed it back, I gave him and I was saving money for buying new one. it took me 4 or 5 months even though it was the cheapest thing anyone can buy. You know people say all the times 'cheap shit', which means it is cheap and it is shit. My computer was that but I liked it. Now, I am at a farm and they are kind enough to let me use their computer to do whatever hell I wanna do with this computer but once I left here, I don't know how to communicate.
Mmm, working at a farm is my second stage of this trip but, only 5.80 Euro is in my pocket and that is all. Good news is that working at a farm doesn't really need money so I got 3 more weeks to bounce back. I tried all these restaurants around this area in order to let them know I am available to work. In three days, I walked about 4 km and visited 6 restaurants. Two restaurants were closed for out of season. Only one chef, I actually met to talk about, you know a chef to a chef. And non of them needed someone to cook right now. So, what should I do from now....
I am not going to give up my traveling. I have to go threw no matter what. I believe in myself and there is always the way to get it done. I knew I would be out of money and no where to go but I prepared. I got my tent and sleeping back. I don't have a computer to type my thoughts but I got my note. My knife case, chef jackets, and working shoes are in my back so I am ready to work. My camera will keep documenting my view of the world and my guitar will be my entertainment. So, am I okay?? I think so. Even though I have walk long way with my baggage, I think I should get threw what I planed. This time I will put a big sign on my back pack "I am a cook to be hired. If you need someone to cook for you, here I am!"
World Tour: Rated R is continuing

Too busy or Too lazy??

I feel sorry to my readers that I haven't posted anything for last a month. Right now, I hit the road to travel all around world to taste what kind of cuisine I want to do.

My first stop is Lyon. I came here was one reason and one opportunity. One of well known chef in Lyon, chef Katsumi Ishida, gave me the chance to learn from him. He is a Japanese but he cooks French better and richer than any French chefs.

I stepped on my first step to complete my journey of searching for my cuisine, just like finding myself.

I am a homeless. Living at one of expansible city and low paid didn't even give me any chance to save some budget but I hit the road anyway. I like to say 'Life is either sink or swim'. I am on the road to be a chef with culinary philosophy. I am not looking for being a Michelin Star chef but I just want to be good at what I like to do for my life.

I wrote some articles for my blog. My defence is that I haven't had the Internet connection plus, much chance to be at the front of my computer that long enough to write something on here.
My homework is to keep writing about my traveling and what is in my mind that keeps telling me or asking me to find the answer. I started my journey. I have to continue it no matter what. I really want to. I want to finish my traveling, just wonder around, this year. I got no money and no one with me. It is for my life and I have to be stronger for it. Don't be too lazy to write something on here because I create this. I created this blog for combined art and culinary.
Dear readers, I will write my ass off. Dear my life, I want to keep recording or keep documenting what I do because what I do is who I am.

It’s been 13 years….

That is how long I have been in the kitchen beside the time I used to be a waiter since I was 16 years old. I don’t remember why I wanted to be a chef when I started it. Be frankly, girls loved a guy with cook books when I started cooking. I thought that was break threw to get laid. Only the problems is that past years weren’t my shows. I wasn’t shiny gold to bright up at the front of ladies. Maybe that is the reason I am always cranky, the person who is always not happy.

Whenever I saw a guy with ugly face and looking so fucking so lonely, I asked myself if I am that guy. really?? Why can’t I be a guy that having sex with 100 girls in a year?? Okay, if you think that I am thinking of sex too much, I think you are right. I do think I am sex addicted sometimes. I thought that I could get laid all the times when I become a chef. Yes, cooking for a girl is the most erotic thing the man can do for her. My favorite thing is that wearing nothing but an apron when I cook for a girl. I haven’t had chance, though. I want to do it!





With that basic reason, without thinking of cooking better food every day, I have only been cooking, I guess. I often embarrass by saying “I’ve been cooking for 13 years.”. When I got a big tattoo of my first knife with a sign of ‘Since 1999’, I didn’t want to put it at the first because people will ask me what is the mean by since 1999 and I have to say that is the year when I started cooking. Only the problem would be that people might think my food isn’t good enough for 13 years and wonder what he has been doing all these years. Despite all these fact that I put it with my first knife, I know it will be my wake up call, to say to myself ‘ wake up! You have been cooking since 1999, for god sake, it was fucking last century.’. I think I became more ego to be better and want to swim deep inside of the ocean because I want to swim, not sinking. I can’t really focus on only one thing, even my writing lost the focus time to time, but, if I focus on many things, I became more focused. It probably is the reason of why I have tried many things. Although my cuisine may lose some focus than 100 percent-ers, I am not only a chef. I don’t have any talents. Only talent that I have is to be different. I can’t just follow other people’s style. I like to observe few thing and then alter to my own way. Whatever I do is just me. I want to hear ‘that is Roy’. Now I want to put that in my cuisine.

Today is Friday

Yes Today is Friday and from tomorrow ‘till Tuesday is my last shift at Le Verre Vole. Which means it this is my last shows there. Today is the probably last day of not so much worry about doing nothing since I got a job and, three days and a half day, I work ‘till my ass off so, I deserve to do nothing. I like this life. A half of a week is my duty call to cook and rest days of a week is mine. Only the problem is that I like to smoke and drink a lot and three days gave me the chance of unstoppable. I want to control myself so I’ve been doing exercise to build my body and even bought a guitar to spend some time productively but what have I been doing on my off days?

Loving someone…

For me loving someone is so hard. First of all, I don’t know how to love someone but, only how to make love to her. I do have many loving friends who I love from deep inside of my heart. Many of them, just because every individual lives in different countries and world, it is often hard to keep in touch each other. However, my friends know me how much I love them and miss them. That could be the reason I can stand up in this world and not feel much about being left alone. Anyhow, This love isn’t what I want to say. I want to talk about love between a lady and a gentleman.

The meaning of life

Life is tough and rough. It is like driving on off-road. I had been threw a death experience, parent divorce, death of my father, depression from not improving my skills and knowledge of my career and, hard times to get a job where I want to be belonged. Sometimes, I thought that hard time always gave me the reasonable answer to why I should continue what I do now. I have been 12 year of culinary field, plus I grew up at my parent restaurants before I actually made my mind to be a cook.

It is still so funny that why I started cooking for life. I had no interested of good eatery or something good in my mouth. I still do eat instant ramen often because it actually brought the memories of the ramen that it was actually good food when I grew up. I didn’t mean I was living with poor family. Despite of the fact that, my childhood neighborhood was the last part added to the capital city and the area was full of working class families. I was one of the luckiest one since my parent owned a restaurant and I didn’t have to worry about being hungry. The restaurant was my home and my playground. Especially, I love to be in the kitchen watching how the food had been made. My father wasn’t a chef when he open a Korean-Chinese restaurant. My father wasn’t rich or didn’t have any dreams about what he wanted to become. He stepped the restaurant business by working as Chinese restaurant delivery boy. With that experiences that he had, he got married to my mom and opened a restaurant in capital city to raise their children within capital city education system.

Naked Talk

I remind you one thing. There is a reason to be named “Rate R” for my blog. I am a dirty talker, okay?? I frankly use “F-word” a lot. There is a lady asked me why I often use a such bad word as fuck. My answer was “First of all, I love to fuck and as a resolute, I love to say ‘fuck’”.

Okay, I will get to the point why I titled “Naked Talk”. I believe that a girl and a boy can be any more truthful when they both get naked on the bed and talk each other while they both look at each other. If there is any rejection, I will tell you that you have never done so, try it what else to lose? Naked talking is the most wonder full way and strong way to bond together. I love the moment of talking each other or simply looking at her as much as having sex with her.

Slow Walking

Sometime, any person needs to walking slowly in order to catch the breath and think of how far has been threw. Well, I've been running. I want to reach the top so bad that I've never thought anything carefuly and wisely. That is why need to walk slowly even though I really didn't want to waste even one minute.
Now, I am just waiting to get hired somewhere where I desire to work. I've sent a lot of letter to all the finest restaurant in the world and hotels. Meanwhile, I am going to work whatever I got to save some money. So far, I got nothing to work. I feel like I am usless junk, but since I spend more time with my family and my friend, no one actually complain of me staying home alone.
I hate not to have any job because I feel like I am not capability to do absolutly anything.
Wherever wants me to work there, I will pack my lugguage. Untill then, I am still a freelancer, perhaps...

Depression

Currently, I am a unemployee. If I wasn't live with my mom in Korea, I would have been a homeless somewhere. I had a job as a head chef. It was good but it wasn't good as i thought, so I left. People might think I don't have much patient that I couldn't even stay at least one year. Maybe right and maybe wrong, however I don't regret the decision. I only think it wasn't smart move. Since I left the job, I got a lot of time to think many things, and I realized that I've never had any smart move, just like this time.
I probably look for high jump, yet the height isn't reachable. I should step by one step so that I could reach the goal I've been dreaming. What am I now? I am a nothing, just any trash in the bin.
Nowadays, I think myself as a non-name rock singer. Even though I have a guitar, and I know how to sing, I got nowhere to explore myself. Just like that, I got all these kinds of knives and I knew how to cook, there is nowhere I can step in. Perhaps, due to high expectation of becoming a "name" chef, I couldn't find where I should belong to.
The stage of Korea isn't the place. Many Korean chefs have lack of passion and professionalism. As matter of the fact, there way too many ingredients are unavailable and too expensive. Plus that, many Koreans are yet to enjoy the fantasy world of cuisine. That is the reason why I should turn my head to overseas.
When I was in Sydney, I met fresh herb and so many ingredients. I met many great chefs when I was in New York. I want to be there again. Anywhere where I can learn and earn; furthermore where I can step up to next level, I want to go for it.
The only thing that bugging me is that I don't have enough money to do anything, so what should I do? This question drives me nut and makes me depressed.

What restaurants in Korea need...

I've thought about restaurants in Korea. From what I have seen restaurant industry in several couturiers, I do believe restaurant industry in Korea is way to behind. it might be too soon to conclude, yet Korean chefs and restaurateurs should notice that.
First, Korea usually depends on current trend and anyone who is famous on TV. For example, when many Korean celebrities earn enough money to open any business, they open restaurants under his/her name, as his/her name would guarantee the food and anything that involve to restaurant. From my observation, what I have seen was these restaurants are usually short term investment, so does following current trend. When I came back to Korea, one TV show about cooking was popular. The TV show was all about chefs who work at a pasta restaurant. I don't know whether this is the cause of too many pasta restaurants in Seoul, but I have god damn hard time to find a job where I don't have to cook only pasta.
As many people live in Seoul, there are so many restaurants in Seoul; therefore, it seems like supplying satisfy demanding. However, what about the quality of food? Does anyone agree with me? Da, there so many fucking franchise restaurants produce factory-made food, people only concern about what current trend is and anyone just open a restaurant even though that anyone never have any experience of restaurant business. Where is unique and own style?
Please do not get me wrong. I don't mean every restaurant isn't like that. There are numbers of respectable restaurants. My point is we need we need better restaurants. Better restaurant doesn't mean expansive restaurant but good food and good place to hang out

In Korea..

I've stepped on Korean soil for almost a month. what have I been doing here? Pretty much nothing! Since I used to live overseas for many years, I don't have any connection to get a good job. Perhaps, it is my excuse to not be employed.
I am looking for a job so badly. Living in my mom's place without having my own space makes me feel like a looser, you know a big "L" sign on my forehead.
Anyhow, I don't whatever the reason is, I still don't have a "actual job". I don't look for anything particular but I only need a right place to explore my imagination of cooking.
I've been making a plan for my life. I wanted to finish the study at CIA. I didn't want to get marry. I called myself as a bachelor. Now, all these thing are slowly brushing off. I still do want to study more than anything. Another hand, the only reason I want to study was to get a job in Europe. Only because I didn't have enough money to study and I don't think I would make enough money to study, either. I was going to lend some money, but I don't see any point of it any more.
My new goal is to open a restaurant in Australia. Why? There are many good restaurants and the land is the perfect place to run a restaurant. This time if I go Australia, I don't want to go by myself. I will need a someone who can be with me, who can cheer me up and who I can take care. If there is someone can be with me, i would do better constrain on my work.
In order to reach my dream, I'd better have a job where I can practice of being owner and chef. Next two or three years will be my prep time to serve in Australia.
Therefore, I am speak up to everyone "Please help me to reach my goal"

Past a week

Last week today, I had a last day at the work. Since then, my life was kind of being miserable. Well, it is my choice to walk out and find a new job. So far, I've got no luck, too bad for me, right? I might have to move out from the state. Going back to Korea won't be the solution, but if I don't want to have a legal trouble, it could be the only option that I have for now.
This time, I want to work at where everyone wants to work. That is problem. I don't know anyone who help me to get a job, or i don't have a noticible speciality to hire immiediently. I did believe I have a spectacular knife skill but that's every chef's skill as well. Now, my question is that chef career is really right for me?
I don't want to blame anything but, past my life, whenever I want to do something, there is always some other thing block me; whenever I want to study, I don't have enough money to study. And whenever I want to work, there is no job available. What should I do?
I don't have enough money now, I even no idea how to pay next rent. Only way is to give a month notice and move out end of next month. However, where should I move to?
Only because I don't have enough money, I've been locking myself everyday. I really didn't want to eat anymore instant noodle. I am trying to spend as less as possible, but it is hard. When all my money is done and I don't have a job until then, I have no choice but living on the street. I have to find out how to continue this life.
I am still waiting for calling from chefs. Past ten years of being nobody, I strongly desire to be somebody.
Past a week, I have any reason to wake up, but now I want to be happy when I wake up.

On my way to the city

I am waiting a train to the city. I don't know what I'm going to, neither have a plan. I just wanna go for some reason.
My life is like that: unpredictable. My age is going to be 30, and I should turn new chapter to write new story. However, I have no story to start the new chapter. Ten years of cooking career is good enough to concrete my career because I still feel as if I got lost somewhere. Just because I spent one third of my life to cook, I want to keep doing what I do, yet all the time I questioning myself if it is really I want do to. Simply following order from the big chef isn't surely what I am best at.
I think I am very individual, who doesn't cooperate with others. Another hand, I love to do things together with others. Perhaps, I probably have a good balance between being selfish and people person, I don't know; just like what I absolutely want to do for my life.
I desperately need something that turn my life to new chapter. It can be as similar as looking for a needle in the sand, but I have to find it.