Life is tough and rough. It is like driving on off-road. I had been threw a death experience, parent divorce, death of my father, depression from not improving my skills and knowledge of my career and, hard times to get a job where I want to be belonged. Sometimes, I thought that hard time always gave me the reasonable answer to why I should continue what I do now. I have been 12 year of culinary field, plus I grew up at my parent restaurants before I actually made my mind to be a cook.
It is still so funny that why I started cooking for life. I had no interested of good eatery or something good in my mouth. I still do eat instant ramen often because it actually brought the memories of the ramen that it was actually good food when I grew up. I didn’t mean I was living with poor family. Despite of the fact that, my childhood neighborhood was the last part added to the capital city and the area was full of working class families. I was one of the luckiest one since my parent owned a restaurant and I didn’t have to worry about being hungry. The restaurant was my home and my playground. Especially, I love to be in the kitchen watching how the food had been made. My father wasn’t a chef when he open a Korean-Chinese restaurant. My father wasn’t rich or didn’t have any dreams about what he wanted to become. He stepped the restaurant business by working as Chinese restaurant delivery boy. With that experiences that he had, he got married to my mom and opened a restaurant in capital city to raise their children within capital city education system.
Owning a business is very risky and highly unstable. It is all depending on what is going on outside of the restaurant. Back then, pork fat was common ingredient to cook Chines food in Korea. Due to it contain high calories and high heath risk from it. Korea heath department actually banded the product and my father had no choice but change to vegetable oil which effected to the business since people could not adjust the huge difference between cooked with pork fat and vegetable oil. However, my father and mother was good to continue the business without permanent damage . My father even back to school to learn more about cuisine and he eventually opened a new Korean restaurant with his origin flavor. It was huge success. Our family was moving up to high road. From a small corner room at the restaurant to three bed apartment showed how my family was better and better every days. Only the problem was the money changed a person. As much as he earn today, he borrow more money for tomorrow. As a resolute, when Korea economy went down to trash, my father was out of business. Even worth was that my parent got divorced and my father died from leukemia 3 years ago.
With my childhood memories, I do not want to get marry because I am still struggling with what I do and I don’t want my own family to suffer the way I suffer. As long as I live in the bottom life, more likely working class, I just want to run on rough off-road with my bare foot. Cooks are hard workers with small amount of award. I knew that working at a restaurant would not bring fortune to live on high up road. Anyhow, I am stuck at where my life has been and I feel like I have through what my father had threw. Only the life lesson he gave to me was that do not allow your loving wife and child to feel pain because of your job.
In my late 20’s, I did want to get marry to continue the happy feeling from her. I didn’t have a job. Frankly, I was spoiled by working at different country and I just could not work in Korea. I just did whatever I got in order to get the fuck out of this country and I thought she could be my life partner. Now, I don’t have any regrets not to get marry early since I am still searching for what I should do for my life and there were many changes of locations and directions. I even had really strong depression which really gave me thought of killing myself. I couldn’t find the reason to live because I wasn’t good at what I suppose to be good at since cooking career is the only field I have been.
Since then, I opened up myself little more to learn many different things just in case I lost my job. As much as I spend much time on something besides related to my actually job, I always want to go back to what I was used to be, being a cook. It is just like you never appreciate the fact the your ex-girl was actually great for you until you are no longer with her anymore. Now, I love what I do. In fact, I love to try many different things to inspire on my own cuisine. My enjoyment of writing, photographing and, playing guitar also inspire to my own style of cuisine and my life style. I guess I live my life very well.
The answer to the meaning of the life is kind of simple: You got to do what you want to do. It is often hard to presume your dream to be someone. However, keep trying is better than not even knock the door. Many chefs often say that if you want to be the best, knock the door of the best place to be the best until open up for you the opportunity. Dear my readers, I don’t expect you to feel same thing as I do. This post is only my thoughts. My believe is that there is always the meaning of the life as long as you find the meaning of your life. My life? Struggle made me strong. Stepping out of my career makes me to step back in. Anyone is able to find the meaning of being alive and to find something for the life. High education, rich family and, high power would not make any difference unless you know what you want to do. My life lesson was that keeping on what I want to do before I have my own family because I do not want my own family suffer just like my family struggled because of my father’s business. What can I say? Family background always effects to a personal life. I decided to be single unless there is someone who understand me fully. Life is funny, there is no instructional manual, no answers, no right moments and, hard to notice what is going on your life in the future. It is too bad but only thing you know is that you never know until you open a box. My conclusion of life is very simple; just live your life to realize what you are into. Money and media will not bring your satisfaction of your life. Perhaps, it gives you little thrill to be somebody. My point is that if you are happy, as long as you are happy, you are living in good life which I also want to be happy with whatever I got.
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