Loving someone…

For me loving someone is so hard. First of all, I don’t know how to love someone but, only how to make love to her. I do have many loving friends who I love from deep inside of my heart. Many of them, just because every individual lives in different countries and world, it is often hard to keep in touch each other. However, my friends know me how much I love them and miss them. That could be the reason I can stand up in this world and not feel much about being left alone. Anyhow, This love isn’t what I want to say. I want to talk about love between a lady and a gentleman.



Loving a girl is even different stories for me. Since I am a traveller, it is fucking hard to love someone stably. I know I am not only guy down to earth who needs someone to love. Because I always listen what my heart say to me and keep on going what I like to do for my life, I don’t see much space to be in love even though I know I need it so fucking bad. My last relationships went down to tragic. I can say I’ve never been good relationship and good ending. Nowadays, I feel become bit more aggressive about girls. They are physically weaker than guys but their heart can be icy cold and tough to crack. Personally, I fucking hate to hear that she just dropped a bomb like saying ‘Let’s be a just friend’, especially when we were building love, at least that is only what I felt. It is too bad for me and too bad for her as well if we are just “friend”. Honestly, when I meet a girl, I just want to squeeze her and push up my body to her in order to feel her more about me. Just friend, fuck that. Sorry, if my worlds makes me look like a sex addicted but, I think that could be the reason of not be able to be friend with a girl.


I am in my 30’s. did that and done this, from all these life experiences, I don’t want to be a just nice guy. I was hunger to get laid, still though. Before, I was begging girls to spend a night with me. Now? I become a jerk. I often said to a girl ‘if you don’t wanna fuck me, just fuck off’. I fucking know it is terrible worlds to say. Even though that, you should see what I have been threw. My heart has so much scars from easily falling in love. I admit that I am fucking dummy shit. I don’t see the traffic sign that tells me whether go or stay. I always start with unclear. I might be a color blind because I don’t understand which sign I should move and stay. My stupid brain tells me just go no matter what. My heart even pound up for the excitement that she could be the one who can love me. More likely, I poke every girls to get jack pot. Stage one is always about knowing each other and feel good about it. Second stage normally involves physical touches such as kiss and sex. After then, we are in love as I believe which is my principal idea, I guess. Okay, anyone felt that I need some sort of advice for loving someone, my door is opened for you.


I might have wrong idea to love her. I am probably a teenage kid who believe everything and to give away anything to win her heart. Being mature brought to me become a man but I think I am still in immature to love someone. With all these reason and reflation of my life, I pretty much I do whatever I want to do. For my life, I become very ego to get something for myself. If there is things that I fucking love to have it, I don’t think twice. In a same way, if there is a girl, I want to have her, I push her to love me which is very wrong. I can’t just make a someone to love me from top to bottom. I should give her some space to know me better. What I have been doing is to chock her. Even though starting is the most romantic whatso-fuck-ever, because of my reactions, girl is one wants to break up with me and doesn’t want to see me anymore. It is fucking sad. My thought is that I can only love her the way I love my life and it became bad hobbit for me.


It is too pity that I am always all alone in my room. Every times, I move to different area. It is quite hard to keep both love and career. There are usually 50/50 choices but it makes huge different because ether I sacrifice myself or she does or just walk away. I really admire that a guy follows his love rather than where he can continue his career to step up. I am dying to be good at what I like to do for my life. This year could be the last year of travelling although I love this life, the freedom. I want to settle down in New York and want to love someone like I’ve never loved someone. I will be in one place for a while to push myself up to be a chef, the good one. My goal isn’t fortune. I just want to be a simple man who does god damn good job. Until then, I am sorry ladies, my heart only can point at my life. Once I found my nest , I want to share my heart with you, ladies. My last world is to love me as I am and accept me as who I am. I know I can be a change man but I want to stay in my color. Just love me the way you love as what I am