Monday, February 2, 2009

February has just begun

Wow, one more month from now, I will be at CIA. I feel like entering army. When I was going to military service, I was a sort of one of people who felt little bit of excitement because I always want to play with guns since I was a very little boy. I now feel extremely excited.
First day of February on Sunday is just finished. Today, I somehow enjoyed the day. I feel like the heart of my job is growing every day. Running around, making dishes in short limited time, chopping with fast speed, standing over 10 hours every day, being at sun-limited place, being at unknown behind of the house, working with all the dangerous tools, but being happy is us. That is why I love being at Kitchen.
From March, I am back to fundamental of cooking, to start again and correct everything. I think because I've wanted to study at Culinary Institute of America since I found myself in the kitchen. I hope I study very well like a nerd, a cool nerd.
This year is 10th years of working at kitchens, but wasted many years. I don't know why I am still bottom. I've been in underground for 10 years, under the Shadow. I am still nobody. I sometime am not sure whether I like my job. I haven't even found my real talent of cooking, yet I always have good feeling to work at kitchen. Feeling from earning money and learning many things in same time is good. I will become a man. As many people said, I think I have a such strong color. It is sometime to hard to digest other people's opinion. I think that is why I often make trouble. I almost live by my rule. I wanna do what I wanna do. I think this is me.
Anything makes me excited, I like it. Cooking career is really interesting job. You can see all the different people in one place. Even often, we work with many different nationality and background. It might be a title that brought from :Austin Power: The International Man, Roydon K: The International Man. The Idea of Roydon K was came out from my brain today. One of chef buddies in the kitchen asked me what my real name is. He meant what my Korean name is. I really don't want to speak Korean. I've been denied myself as a Korean. I really don't want to be a Korean anymore. I want to choose who I am. That is the reason I like to say I am an Aussie, not only because I used to live there. If I were in America before going to Australia, I probably would say I am an American. That could be more likely. There many Koreans live in USA. One of waitress in the restaurant told me her mother is a Korean. I felt wow I've never thought that meeting a second generation. I often act like a second generation because that is what I wanted to be. However, I usually worry what if the acting is kind of funny to them. I could completely be a phony, a living with liar. It more like as though I was rebelled. One the other hand, I keep saying myself being me. That is all I can do, having my color.
Past two years of falling at English school has improved my English. I've never though that I could write in English. I like write, thought. I wasted my time at Koreans' Kitchens for many years. So, from now, I have to fight myself. There is no time to be wasted. Since I even get a tattoo of "The chef," I have to be a chef. Call me Roydon K; No Korean, but just me.
After a month, I will step on the way to be a greatest. I will searching for the best, to be a best. Since I started what I want to become long times ago and there is now noway to return, I have be the best. What I face on is the real. That is only the way to get out from the slump.

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