The day 8th of April

Now, the time is 12:32, I am sitting in front of my desk to search how to find some money and try to prepare for next week quizes. I haven't got any clear answer about paying the tuition. Everything is very cloudy. There is no sign of sunshine. Like this photo, everthing is unclear but everthing is gone fast. I might be gonna have depression of my life although I've been enjoy to study here. After class and study, another side of my brain always fills with the the word "Money."

Another day, I calculated how much I will need to study at Culinary Institute of America. Freshman threw to Sophomore, each semesters are now $11,690. I planed to continue the study to get Bachelor's degree, so each Junior and Senior semesters required to pay $10,690. Double room will be $2,830 for every single semester. Total amount of only tuition fee and residence hall is $97,640. Since I don't have that much money, and I don't know weather I am able to pay all the education expenses, I don't really feel like to live. I don't mean that I would kill myself. I just couldn't find any point to study even though I really want to study. If i had enough money, I would be happy to study every day but poverty life makes me not to be able to anything. My mother gave up to pay the tuition fee because she couldn't afford it. I asked her to ask anybody to borrow some money, but since my father already had borrowed a lot of money from relative and people around him, my mother rejected my idea. I've been so enjoying here so giving up study right after first semester would break my heart. I knew formal education is only the optional but I want to put myself on advance level. I really don't know what to do. I tried to ask people to be my cosigner but it is tough to ask it. Well, the reason is that most of people that I knew and I have not long enough years to ask this kind of favor. Today is 8th and I only have 22 days to pay one quarter of next semester but I don't have any money. I feel really depressed. While I study, I don't want to have any problem to worry so that I could do better in the academic filed.

I don't know how to contine to study here.... What should I do.... What I can do.... How to live my life....how to raise my education budget.... who could help me........