What restaurants in Korea need...

I've thought about restaurants in Korea. From what I have seen restaurant industry in several couturiers, I do believe restaurant industry in Korea is way to behind. it might be too soon to conclude, yet Korean chefs and restaurateurs should notice that.
First, Korea usually depends on current trend and anyone who is famous on TV. For example, when many Korean celebrities earn enough money to open any business, they open restaurants under his/her name, as his/her name would guarantee the food and anything that involve to restaurant. From my observation, what I have seen was these restaurants are usually short term investment, so does following current trend. When I came back to Korea, one TV show about cooking was popular. The TV show was all about chefs who work at a pasta restaurant. I don't know whether this is the cause of too many pasta restaurants in Seoul, but I have god damn hard time to find a job where I don't have to cook only pasta.
As many people live in Seoul, there are so many restaurants in Seoul; therefore, it seems like supplying satisfy demanding. However, what about the quality of food? Does anyone agree with me? Da, there so many fucking franchise restaurants produce factory-made food, people only concern about what current trend is and anyone just open a restaurant even though that anyone never have any experience of restaurant business. Where is unique and own style?
Please do not get me wrong. I don't mean every restaurant isn't like that. There are numbers of respectable restaurants. My point is we need we need better restaurants. Better restaurant doesn't mean expansive restaurant but good food and good place to hang out

In Korea..

I've stepped on Korean soil for almost a month. what have I been doing here? Pretty much nothing! Since I used to live overseas for many years, I don't have any connection to get a good job. Perhaps, it is my excuse to not be employed.
I am looking for a job so badly. Living in my mom's place without having my own space makes me feel like a looser, you know a big "L" sign on my forehead.
Anyhow, I don't whatever the reason is, I still don't have a "actual job". I don't look for anything particular but I only need a right place to explore my imagination of cooking.
I've been making a plan for my life. I wanted to finish the study at CIA. I didn't want to get marry. I called myself as a bachelor. Now, all these thing are slowly brushing off. I still do want to study more than anything. Another hand, the only reason I want to study was to get a job in Europe. Only because I didn't have enough money to study and I don't think I would make enough money to study, either. I was going to lend some money, but I don't see any point of it any more.
My new goal is to open a restaurant in Australia. Why? There are many good restaurants and the land is the perfect place to run a restaurant. This time if I go Australia, I don't want to go by myself. I will need a someone who can be with me, who can cheer me up and who I can take care. If there is someone can be with me, i would do better constrain on my work.
In order to reach my dream, I'd better have a job where I can practice of being owner and chef. Next two or three years will be my prep time to serve in Australia.
Therefore, I am speak up to everyone "Please help me to reach my goal"

My situation right now

I really feel pathetic. I don't know what I am doing now. Okay, I am still waiting for my last pay check, which has been over three weeks, and W-2 report to get tax refund. Meanwhile, I've been looking for a job, and thinking of what I should do. As a resolute, I am broken right now. Even, my computer is also broken, what a coincident! I don't know how much I am going to get tax back, but so far what I know is that I've no idea how to go back to Korea.
Well, I don't want to ask my mom to rescue me from America since I am a 30-years old man. My ego is too high? I want to get threw all my situation by myself no matter what. Even though It will be too risky, I don't think life is not like running around soft grass filed. My believe of the life is the battle filed because I have to fight something to get threw and be tougher.
I've been very unproductive weeks and I want to end up. In order to do that, I might need help. I think this is the time to beg.

Past a week

Last week today, I had a last day at the work. Since then, my life was kind of being miserable. Well, it is my choice to walk out and find a new job. So far, I've got no luck, too bad for me, right? I might have to move out from the state. Going back to Korea won't be the solution, but if I don't want to have a legal trouble, it could be the only option that I have for now.
This time, I want to work at where everyone wants to work. That is problem. I don't know anyone who help me to get a job, or i don't have a noticible speciality to hire immiediently. I did believe I have a spectacular knife skill but that's every chef's skill as well. Now, my question is that chef career is really right for me?
I don't want to blame anything but, past my life, whenever I want to do something, there is always some other thing block me; whenever I want to study, I don't have enough money to study. And whenever I want to work, there is no job available. What should I do?
I don't have enough money now, I even no idea how to pay next rent. Only way is to give a month notice and move out end of next month. However, where should I move to?
Only because I don't have enough money, I've been locking myself everyday. I really didn't want to eat anymore instant noodle. I am trying to spend as less as possible, but it is hard. When all my money is done and I don't have a job until then, I have no choice but living on the street. I have to find out how to continue this life.
I am still waiting for calling from chefs. Past ten years of being nobody, I strongly desire to be somebody.
Past a week, I have any reason to wake up, but now I want to be happy when I wake up.

On my way to the city

I am waiting a train to the city. I don't know what I'm going to, neither have a plan. I just wanna go for some reason.
My life is like that: unpredictable. My age is going to be 30, and I should turn new chapter to write new story. However, I have no story to start the new chapter. Ten years of cooking career is good enough to concrete my career because I still feel as if I got lost somewhere. Just because I spent one third of my life to cook, I want to keep doing what I do, yet all the time I questioning myself if it is really I want do to. Simply following order from the big chef isn't surely what I am best at.
I think I am very individual, who doesn't cooperate with others. Another hand, I love to do things together with others. Perhaps, I probably have a good balance between being selfish and people person, I don't know; just like what I absolutely want to do for my life.
I desperately need something that turn my life to new chapter. It can be as similar as looking for a needle in the sand, but I have to find it.

Sunday

I just took shower and got dressed. Past two days of locking myself in my room, I wanted to go to the city. Only problem is that outside is raining and I don't want to carry around my only one umbrella saying "Thomas Henkelmann". It's from the work and I am no longer belong there.
Many times when chef was upset at me, chef said all the time, "next time will be your last day!" I just couldn't take that bull shit any more, so I quit the job. I spent two days to write a cover later, but I haven't finished yet. I got so much thing to say; why I had to quit the job, what I look for and blah blah. The only thing I look for is to have better life and make me happy to work. Work can be simply work without having a meaning of it. That is why career is different from simply a job.
I didn't work with people who don't have professionalism and passion of cooking. It doesn't I do have. Whether become one or now is the matter of environment as I believe. I am not just upset of him but also the environment. I couldn't take it anymore. I feel kinda good to be out of that job.
Now, I have to find a new opportunity. Wherever I got a job, I will go. My life get tougher but I am getting even tougher. People, please, cross your fingers for me

Angry at...

Angry at my life,
Angry at what I haven't done,
Angry at what I should have done,
Angry at myself who still doesn't know what to do for my life,

Life is like as if I am walking on nowhere in foggy.
I can only see a few feet away but not further.
Sometimes, I want to get out so badly, so I run.
When I run, I often fall over,
or I fall into a whole.

It was trap, and there is noway to out.
For a little while, I might try hard to get out.
Somehow, I might accept the situation.
Often, I might not believe the hope; hopeless but not happiness.
Eventually, I probably push myself hard to get off from the situation.

There is always the solution
The only way I can find is all up to me.
Whether take the situation is also all up to me.

Live the god damn life! Do not fuck around with it.
There is probably some meaning of why I am breathing right now.
I am still angry at many things, but I always dream to be much happy.
Someday, I will find something that makes me so happy

Can't Die so Live....

Nowadays, I couldn't find the meaning of the life. I still don't know what I should do for life. I couldn't find anything what I want to be. I don't have any talent, not at all. I don't know what I am good at. I sometimes have a fantasy of being killed by something, but I am still alive. Which is good thing, right? Whatever, I am afraid of dying. Even if I got illness, I would not go to hospital and spend so much money to cure my body. I simply want to go to in middle of jungle to wait my last day. I don't have much stuffs but I will donate my books to Culinary Institute of America and rest of them to people who needs more than I do. That is probably the last thing I can do someone.

About My Career

I am a chef. I loved my job so much that I enrolled courses at Culinary Institute of America. Even though I like what I do, I am still a worst cook in the kitchen. I knew how to cut, but I still don't understand how to cook. I've this career for 10 years. I don't know anything about my career. Sometimes, I don't know the meaning of this career because we, chefs, don't have any life beside working in the kitchen like a dog. Why? Why we have to dedicate our lives to working for some famous chefs or something else. Okay, I understand that we have to love our career so much; otherwise we can't stand by the heat. What i found really funny thing about working in the kitchen was that once a chef tasted money, there is no such thing as humanity.
My last boss in Australia, he was one of well known chef in Sydney. His restaurant was top of only one casino in the city, and it's "One Hat"(more likely one Michelin Star) restaurant. When I contracted employment, the paper said I would work for 45 hours a week and over times fees. It was great package since I was going to work for a corporation. However, the reality was different from what I expected. I work from 12 to 12 everyday without having any break time. On Friday, I had to come back the kitchen at 9 in the morning since we had lunch service. I worked around 70 hours a week. Guess what? On my pay check, I only received 45 hours. I really didn't understand why. I asked him if I can get over time, but what he said was that since I worked for a good chef, him, and learn from him, it was okay to not get paid. He also said that there are many people work for him for free to learn something. What I wanted to said was "Bullshit!" I knew you worked for 29 years something and you make money like million dollars every year, but you treat your labors like slaves. I needed money to save for my education in the US. I couldn't make any deal with the chef, I talked to the company before I resigned the job. The chef called me on the phone and said he wanted to speak to me before I leave. I thought that I could get a reference for all my hard works. It was trick. When I left the job, I gave Korean cooking books to the chef and his Sous chef for appreciation. When I went back to the restaurant, he was angry at me for reporting over time to the company. Well, other two Kiwis asked the money and got some, so why not me? He threw me the book that I gave to him. I guess he didn't need my appreciation, so I threw away it into a bin. Seriously, what the fuck was that?
In New York City, I've seen many "Famous Starred Chef" hired cheap labors to make more money, not better food. I did believe cooking career is professional filed. Anybody can cook for sure. Food is the most fundamental thing, so everyone have to cook to eat something, right? As result, everyone can cook. However, how many people are professional cook? Here, in America, are many inexpensive labors coming from poor country. It wouldn't matter whether the restaurant is high standard or not, many chefs hire people from these country.
I feel sometimes really unfair about this situation. I've spent all my life and money to step up. I've been cooking as a professional although I am still not good at it. Only because many chef-owners want to make more money and save money from not hiring professional chefs, including myself, many formally trained chef couldn't get a job.
Seriously, what the fuck? Which is more important between money and morality?
In short term business, the chef would make a lot of money, yet the chef probably loose the business some day.
What I have in my mind is that we need revolution!! We need a strong chef union to protect our career. I'd like to organize the union but one man isn't enough. I need more people and restaurants to get together strongly. Chefs are united!! We need our job back from untrained and cheap labors.

A pack of Camel, A six pack of Hineken, A can of Redbulls, a bottle of Coke, and a cup of Latte

Even though all these things are not good for my health, sometimes, these are all I need....

Monday afternoon...

Monday is also my day off. I spent many days to look for job and do nothing, so I feel like to do something even though today is my day off. I really want to have a part time job that I can spend my days. I like to walk around take some photos, meet people to have a nice dinner for restaurant review, research more about new recipes, write about anything. I wish I could write a novel. I often wrote poems and short stories when I was at high school. I've write many things but I don't know what to write sometimes. Often, crazy thoughts crushes to my brain. However, I usually couldn't know how to start and finish. It's like bad sex, keep going but don't know when to finish.

Anyway, I want to feel the life. Sitting on my bed and watching TV would not make me feel like as if I am really living the life. I don't have a desire of having so much money, but I do have a strong desire to be multi talented. I can cook and also photograph, write, draw, and design my own place. That's thing always stays in my brain all the time. I really want to what I love to do for rest of my life. 2 years for chef Thomas Henkelmann and 3 years at CIA, I believe I can do anything I dream to do after all.

Another hungry day, I asked a few people to lend me some money, but I guess my trustworthy wasn't that good enough to them or I couldn't build my strong credit for them.

God damn it, I am probably not gonna eat anything today but how I can go to work tomorrow...

Hungry day...

I had only 3 dollars and some coins on me today. I was so hungry. I couldn't afford anything beside a cup of instant noodle. I spent 1.50 dollars for it. I asked my friend, Jay, to lend me some money so that I could eat something and commute to work until i got a refund check and pay check. I sent several text and tried to call her a few times, but she didn't respond. i might be the one who very annoy.
I am hungry for many things; hungry for food, hungry for better food, hungry for not being hungry, hungry for success, hungry for better life, hungry for everything. Well the life is aways being hungry for something anyway.
I should be happy for being hungry. I tasted how hunger made me miserable, so I should push myself to reach the at my goal. Otherwise, I probably hungry for rest of my life.

With Latte....

Drinking a cup of Coffee Latte at one of my favorite coffee shop in the city, I was thinking of what I should I do... I got a phone call from one of the master chef in USA: Thomas Henkelmenn. I applied a chef de Partie position and he want to intview me about the job. Since I am still moving my stuff in this week, I told him to be there next week. I am already excited to be there. The restaurant is located at Greenwich, CT. If i got a job there, I probably move to nearby the restaurant. Also, I might need a car as well... I already told him that I will commit to work there for two years before I go back to CIA to finish the study. Going back to CIA is probably my major goal. In order to study there, either I work hard to save some money or I should find a sugar mama, hahaha. I have fucking no idea what I am doing right now. I hate this situation right now. I don't know what to do and what I should do. Oh fuck my life... People often said that hard time will give me strong character and success. However, I have no fucking clue about it. I believe I am trying my best but I guess the effort is not enough.

Empty my room

My room is finally almost empty.I was going to put my stuff at Doug's dady's place but his father called him to help. Since Doug's dad gave his pick-up truck to Doug, he had to help him. He asked me to move my stuff out of the car to his dorm room. I didn't want to because moving his dorm room would do more work and that wasn't the solution.

I knew I have many stuff. The reason I have many stuff is I have nowhere to leave my stuff. I need a place where I can rest sometimes and I don't have to worry about moving so many stuff. Soon as I got a job and a right to live somewhere, I want to buy a small house, maybe more like a small cabinet, where I can put my stuff and I can live there sometimes.

Now, more than half of my stuffs are in Doug's room and rest of the stuffs are in a storeroom in my dorm building. These stuffs on the pictures are what I need while I go away. I am moving back to my old room at my old neighborhood in the city. I am thinking of renting a storage in the city. Whenever I need something, I pick it up from there anyway. From now, I should leave all my stuff in the storage. Only one problem is that I have to pay the rent fee every month.

Well, anyhow, everything will work out

Probably Last night at CIA

mmm, I feel really weird right now while I am writing this. Fuck, the school pretty much kicked out me only because I don't have money to study!! I've never been a trouble boy. I party hard but I always believe the party make me strong and stronger. Like now, I also like to stay by myself. The time for myself. I need it! I asked Doug to help me , so he came today. I thought all my stuff could be in a pick-up truck, but all my damn all my stuff couldn't fit in; it was only half of it. OMG, What should I do..., I was thinking for a while. I was going to reload all my stuff. The one thing bothered me was how to put all my stuff in the pick-up truck since the truck was over loaded. I was looking for RD soon as i figured that I can't move all my stuff today. I was looking for RD, so I went to the office. She wasn't there. I go upstairs to her room, but she wasn't there. I actually knocked the door for a while. I went back to the office, and then knocked the door. No answer. I wanted to try again up stair, so I went back the room, knocked the door again. There was still no answer from inside. I said myself, "Please work with me baby, please", "They wanted to get out so I want to get out". I went back the office. Guess what? the trolley I borrowed earlier so I had to give back, but the card was gone. I was a little bit in panic. I've been drinking for two days. I want to keep in drunken. The little panic almost woke me up. The funny thing was I had no idea what should I do. I walked back to my dorm room. I saw her, but I wasn't sure she was the RD, I think she wasn't sure either. When we passed by, she said "I took the trolley back to the office," and I said "Thank you" and said, "I still have more stuff in my room to move, so can I move out tomorrow?" we made every thing clear by saying, "when I move out meet another RD after 10 am and check out." I am almost done. Even more weired now.
Now, I am at Doug's room to drink together. he helped out today, so I bought some beer for him. I begged him to help me again tomorrow. I persuade him to buy his lunch and beer tomorrow. Fucking finally, he accepted my offer.
One more day at the school. I really don't want to leave here. Since I don't have any choice but leaving, I really don't know what to do. People asked me what is my plan after all. I like to say "No plan is the plan", and "Simply live the fucking life. We live to die. That is all about the life. Enjoy the life, you have only one life. Now, I can't study at the school, but I can come back soon as I have some money to pay.
Now, I need a job really badly. I need to be into something, no drunken but passion. I think I've sent my resume to fifties to sixties restaurants and hotels all around world. I got nowhere end, so what I ever I do, I think I can do better than anyone else.
I want to stand up strongly and independently by myself. I want to be a bad boy to be the best. I am not a good son to my mom and a brother for my sister. I yelled at them because I could do what I want to do. I promised me to study hard, so did. I got average 3.00 GPA, not too great but still good for 29 years old and ten years experiences chef. I was getting better as matter of the fact. I am proud myself often because I did good sometimes. When I found myself confidence, I do very well. I was getting there but, I have to leave. Even though I want to study to be better, I now worked hard to get better. There is no promise to go back to CIA. As long as I have some money to study, I might come back. I still have no idea what to do. There are many thing to come up. As Dough said, enrolled community college keep maintain the visa. I guess that would would work. Only the problem is how to manage the money. I don't want to be an illegal alien. I want to stay here because I always have something to do, not playing around.
I am completely moving out tomorrow. After than, there is no class schedule in my mind. That is bull-shit. I gotta found something to do. I need it desperately.