Dear Investors

From this blog, everyone will assume who I am, so self-introduce can be omitted even though this post is for all the investors.

The Freshman semester at Culinary Institute of America (CIA) has began. Struggling with paying tuition fee was already settled in my brain since I choose to study at CIA. Enormous amount of tuition fee gave me so much thoughts and hard times. A couple days before entering CIA, I even thought about giving up the study just because I had no idea where I can raise education budget. My savings? It's gone long times ago due to studying English without earning money.

Today, I sent a letter to my mother. I actually asked a favor to her. More likely, I asked her to help me to find investors since my mother is also not able to afford all the fees. My suggestion is this: I borrow some amount of money from anybody who is willing to help me out. While I am at the school, 3% of interests will be provided them. After graduation, one tenth of the fund will be pay back with same amount of interest. Total tuition and residence hall fee is $ 100,000 until receiving Bachelor's degree. That amount of money is only big money that I need. I have a part time job on the weekend. From the job, I could earn up t0 $ 8000 annually while I am at the school. From $100,000, 3% of interest is $3,000 per year. I still have spending money after I pay the interest. As matter of fact, since two meals for a day is already include the fee, so I do not need so much money beside buying something for studying. Five days of studying and two days of working will help me to save a lot of money and pay interest.

In order to make the plan clear, for instant, if anyone have ability to lend me full amount of money that I need, $100,000, Only $3,000 will be sent to you for three years which is the academic years. Once I graduated the school, I might get a position in either Europe or America. In case of working in Europe, returning all the fund could be earlier. Same amount of interest will be sent to you with one tenth of full amount. The whole process of completing payment will take ten years. In total 13 years, you can get back all the money that you lend me and also earn $39,000 from interest.

It would be great if I can borrow $100,000 from one investor, yet any amount of investment fund will be accepted. If there is anyone out there can help me with your money, I would appreciate that. 3% of interest, $3000 a year, is for everyone. It wouldn't matter how much you lend me. By using the donation tag which is located left side of my blog, you can help me out to study at the world prime culinary school in order to the best chef. When you send me your help, please your personal information and bank account information to my email so that I can pay the interest every year.

I'd truly appreciate all your help. Your fund will not only help me to pay the tuition fee, but it also will encourage me to push hard on the study. I need your help now. Please help me to reach my goal.

Dinner for New student

It was better than yesterday. It was look pretty nice and, most importantly, tasty.

View of CIA

First Meal at CIA

Lunch

Dinner

All the classic dishes, it was not bad, though. I would say"The text book dishes."

First day at Culinary Istitute of America

Yesterday, I just moved into the Residence hall at Culinary Institute of America. Yesterday was kind of busy day. In the morning, I was waiting for both UPS and a moving van. I ordered my Brand new Canon Camera. I've wanted to have my own camera for long time, more than 10 years. I loved taking photos when I was a middle school student. I even attended photographing class for my afternoon activity It was fun. I didn't have my camera but my father did. He had a really awesome cool spy camera. I actually saw that camera at the movie '007.' The camera is now as old as I am, though, this camera is very valuable and collectible nowadays. I won't sell this one even though I knew I can get big cash out from this. I haven't seen this camera since I left Korea, but I guess my mom still has it.
Anyway. since I got really cool camera, I had to take some shots on the van for practicing. This is the first time I actually use a Sing-lens Digital Camera. I was thrill to open the package.
By the way, this is a quite story of how I got my package. Well, I saw the package tracking schedule on line. It said that the package had been out for delivery at 8.40 a.m. The Van driver came at 10. He and I moved all my stuff to his van around 10.30. I didn't get my package, though. There was no time for waiting that package, I called UPS. The agent told me I have to wait between 9 a.m to 7 p.m.
How stupid system it is. Don't they work for customer? Why does a customer give up a daily life to wait a god damn package? That is bullshit!! She also said only thing I can do is to wait until package is arrived, so I gave up to wait because I already told Genet my package will be arrived. She knew it and I can pick up from there anytime I want. I give up and told driver to go. Soon as we drive through a half of block, I saw UPS truck at the another block. I asked driver to go there. I saw a UPS guy and asked if he has my package. Luckily, he has it. It was so lucky to receive my package at the very last minute.
I probably took a lot of photos but only these on the video are good pictures, as I believe. So, Enjoy the pictures!
Today is first day of Orientation day. I just got books and ID card and everything I need for studying here. I woke at 6 a.m as very unusual for me. I have little bit of free time before the lunch since I don't have to take the placement test and I can use wireless Internet.
Now, I am hungry and sleepy. I still have about 40 minute before the lunch. I have to murder the time; otherwise, I am probably going to either fall in sleep or hunger to death.

Thinking about My Life

Nowadays, I've been thinking of how to raise some education and travel budget. My plan was this; while I am studying at Culinary Institute of America, I am going to travel in Europe as well. Traveling is really important for becoming a experienced chef. It is simple resolute; more you see, more you know. Okay, I have pretty good plan to be the best, yet the thing anyone can't live without, money, makes everything muddy since I couldn't hold much of it. I even thought to change my career because I now earn very little money and have been spinning around at the same spot.
I felt that I don't belong to kitchen. I found that I am very individual but not easy with group. Whenever someone judges me, I just can't take it. What I usually like to say is that I am who I am so you'd better get used to with myself. Working at kitchen is teamwork. We have work together to serve better food to customers. There is no I and you, only we. I think that kind of thought makes me nut to work at kitchen.
In the Kitchen, there is always a head chef there and he orders what he want to. All the standard and recipes are from him. He is the rule of the kitchen. Only thing other cooks have to do is to do what exactly he told, like a robot. When he called order, we have to respond like between a drill sergeant and a private solder. Some people like to said that when head chef barks to you, you have to bark back.
Ten years of same routine, I probably felt sick and tired to work at kitchen. Enormous amount of tuition fee gave me a thought of what if I changed my major to be a interior designer just like my sister, so I called her to get advice.
My sister and I am more like a cat and a dog. When we were very little boy and girl,we were really good friends each other. As matter of fact, we were the best friend since we are the only sibling. Once we started growing up to be a man and a woman, we've began to have different thoughts and life style. We had so many arguments. She is the first child so she wanted to become a in charge. Because I am a son, I couldn't accept that. She always said you do that and you do this, but I always you do that and I do this. Even though I hate say this, I have my father's personality. I've been trying to change. I really didn't want to be like a my father. My mother and sister is very similar each other. While I was in Sydney, their relationship between mother and doughter has became elder and younger sisters. Another word, they are very close each other.
I am totally different from any entire family members. I am probably an alien. They are very Korean and like to keep that way. Me? I always think why I should do same way. Since then I even have cultural trouble with my family. How funny is that?
Back to my sister, I told her because of money problem and got bored with working at kitchen, I am concerning about change the career, to become a interior designer. My sister is an Interior designer. She said this job is also not so easy. Of cause, how many jobs are not so tough to reach the top point? The reason I asked my sister was I want to compare two career. If I start to study te design, I want to relate with restaurant business. That is what I thought and why I called her. She actually disappointed me today. Now that I've been tough time with everything, I've thought to give up what's I have been doing. For now, anything new beginning will take more cost and time. She also said that I strongly wanted to study at CIA and I now don't want to, so that was really disappointment. I should find a solution, not a getaway. She is right. I think I've been really weak. Past many years, my mother fund me to study so if I gave up now, she will feel horrible about supporting me.
My sister always looks reality. She knows me very well so she could gave me harsh words, yet that sometimes wake me up. I feel little better now. I have to be more strong. If I want to move forward, I have to push myself harder. Although she and I always argue each other, she is sometimes right and that make me stand up strongly.

at 2:36 A.M

I am supposed to sleep by now, at this hour. Even though I am really tired from hard working, I can't sleep. Paying the tuition fee and living the life is too tough now days. Of cause I am not able to pay enormous amount of money by myself. I am still a cheap labor with little skill of cooking. Culinary Institute of America is one of the best, maybe the best culinary school, school in the world. The facility is absolutely perfect for exploring culinary skills and knowledge, yet no money means that there is no possibility to be there. For the US citizens, they could get government fund or student loans. There are many advantages. For a foreigner student like me, there is very limited option I can choose. Perhaps, there is no option for me. I desperately need much money as I need for studying.
Some chefs often say that a paper of culinary school degree would not make a chef, only working and learning at kitchen would make a great chef. I would not even doubt about the opinion because most chefs have not been any culinary school to become a chef. Working at fine restaurants will make better chef than someone who just graduated a finest culinary school.
So why I have to attend the most expensive and finest school is that the degree could give me an opportunity to work in Europe. That is one of my dream since I started my career as a chef. I couldn't go to Europe at the beginning, so although I am a cook at French kitchen, I don't have much knowledge and skills than anybody in the kitchen. If I were a Korean cuisine chef or any Asian chef just like my father, I could be better than anybody at Korean kitchen. From my perspective, Korean food is very simple and easy. It doesn't need a lot of technique and many flavor. Simply boiling, pan frying, mixing, and curing could be all about Korean food.
I am probably a worst cook in the kitchen where I am working at. In ten years, I still couldn't discover the true talent of cooking. I am always interested in restaurant interior. So, should I change my life career to be a restaurant designer? or culinary writer and photographer? Still confusing. Turning point is what I need.
I am having dilemma of my life, no money and no talent. I don't know where I am interested into. I love many things, yet I am not sure that I have passion of these. I feel like I am walking on dessert without direction. I've been walking one way from the start so I am still walking on same routine. I sometimes feel like I am turning around at same spot, not forward to get out of this dessert.
Life is miserable if you don't have either money, or power, or passion, or potential, or whatever. Nowadays, I always have not enough money; my passion of becoming a chef runs out; I am lost the way on my life; finally, I don't know what I want to become. I don't have any reasons to continue my life; nevertheless, I have to live my life before I actually leave this word. I'm having tough life inside and outside. There are probably many people have same situation for sure. I am not the only one who has issues. Well, the time will be the answer.
I really got to sleep; otherwise I will wake up late like last time, I have to be at the kitchen at 11 but I woke up at 11 because of too much thinking before the day.

March and New Beginning is Coming...

Wow, my last post was on February 4th. In sixteen days of my life has been either busy or lazy. I cook for my life. Chefs and cooks work like dog. The job is very tough. We commonly don't have extra free time after work. I've been many jobs. My first job was a flyer boy. In 90's Korea, many real estate office always needed someone to advertise their business, so I actually walked into the office and asked about the job. It was a easy job and very little money, but feeling from earning some money by myself was so good. Yeah, that was it! I wasn't interested in study, but making money. I only could make 3000 won, which is about two or three dollars for current currency. At these times, the money was neither too small nor too big. It was good enough to do my hobby. I've been a waiter, a construct worker, a dish washier, a gym trainer, a English teacher, a translator, a video store staff, a student worker, a sales man and some other stuff as well. Since i was 16 years old, I've been real living life, maybe. I wasted little bit of past my life, so I can't waste anymore. From this Mach, my life will be began with study more about the cooking career. I perhaps like more, or vince verse. Huge bating is on the table of my life. Studying at CIA isn't that cheap. I might have to get two jobs to pay the tuition and my living cost. As matter of fact, I need more money to travel and work in Europe in order to learn more about European Cuisine. With all these reasons, I am thrilled to study, and, meanwhile, worry about my future.
I sometimes think what if I didn't like to study about cooking and work in kitchen. I spent all these year to come to be now I am. I often complain about working environment in kitchen; hours are too long, dangerous,rude attitude, insulting, sarcasm, boosting itself, arguing, too tired, too stressful and so on.
When I started working at Astral Bar and Restaurant at Star City Sydney, my noses were bleeding in a just few weeks because of too tired. At least 60 hours in five days drove me crazy. Before that restaurant, I had a such a strong passion of becoming a chef. Indeed, when I used work at Kingslays Prime Steak House on Bridge Street Sydney, I loved to be there. People liked my cooking and my personality even though my English was that strong enough to communicate with them. I often had a idea of today's special and daily soup. I even bought some books to create new menu. The head chef, Tri Hang; a Chinese-New Zealander-Australian, liked me lot and he is the first chef who wrote me a reference. The dishes served at the restaurant was fine-casual food. They always had finest beef in Australia, the steak was their speciality and superb. They didn't serve dry-aged beef, yet served a kilo T-bone steak and many parts of steak. Working at that restaurant for a year wasn't wasted. The year was grateful. I got a title of chef at that time, chef de partie.
While I was working at Astral, I often had hard times. I had never worked so hard in my life before then. In Seoul and Sydney, I usually worked in between 40 to 48 hours in five to six days. However, working at Astral wasn't same as my past cooking career. I don't blame anything about working at Astral. Astral is one hat, as similar as one Micheline star, restaurant in Sydney. It was one of the finest restaurants and had finest chefs in Sydney. I had never thought that I could work at fine dinning restaurant. The most fine restaurant that I had been was Kingslays Prime Steak. Astral was only one restaurant serves fine modern Australian and French cuisine among the restaurants, five restaurants and seven kitchens, at Star City Casino and Hotel Sydney. I worked there about 11 months. While I was there, I learn so much and found new passion of fine cuisine. The kitchen was toughest place I had never been; nevertheless, the memories of working and learning at there was priceless. At the end, both head chef Sean and sous chef Tonny liked me working at the kitchen although I was really a piece of shit.
Because a shitty chef was all I've been, studying more about this career was good enough reason to be excited. I could have more knowledge and skills by the time I graduated the school. I now also work at one Michelin star French restaurant. From my chef, I learn so much about french and his cuisine. He is same old as I am and has only four or five years more experiences than I have, but he is a great chef and a guy.
From March, I will work and study at the very same time. I might get another job at school to earn some more money. I have to figure out how to manage the time that I can study hard. I would be very busy; no time for playing on the ground. Most of time that I would have to do is to be attended at either kitchen or class room. I can even say "I am cooking all the time with my brain and my body." Beside the time to sleep, I am probably going to live with the fantasy of culinary world.
Whenever I feel sick and tired of working at kitchen, I often have day dreams of my restaurant. I always conclude the thought with saying to myself, "In order to be a best, I have to work with bests no matter what." I have to kill myself little bit more in the kitchen. I have to be more serious about my career. I've became a alcoholic and caffeine addict, but these two are all for my career as well. Now that requesting of becoming something good at, every minute is pleasant. Even the time with my friends and all the legal drugs, I have to be enjoy the moment. I might have to decide between study and something other fun stuff. Both are very important for my life, so it would be very tough to pick one, yet I have to choose to study more often than other until I become the one. After I reach that peak, I will enjoy my life more.
Wow, very short free time has gone already. I now time to sleep for tomorrow, the big Saturday. I wish I could write more often, and I could buy a Single Lens Camera very soon. My last wish before the March is that everything goes well. That is exactly what I need. Since I don't believe the god, I don't want to pray to him, but myself. I still have a desire for digging more into cooking field. I said it, so I have to get everything right. Many thing are on the to-do and must-to-be-done list. Even though I feel little bit under pressure, my last words are "What I gotta do, I gotta do."

Two weeks before Today

I was with my chef;Gregry pugin, and good chef buddy at same kitchen;Andrew from SF, two weeks before today because we had a charity function. Before that day, chef told me if I can work next week Wednesday, so I said "sure." I have no reason to refuse his offer since I don't have any plane anymore on my day-off. I wasn't too much excited about it. However two days before the day, sous chef; Danny, showed me the event information. The event was called "Dinning in New York City." In one place, all the finest chef and his teams in town cooked for people. Soon as I saw the list of restaurants, I felt extremely excited. Well, can you imagine that I could cook with all these greatest chefs in town? I would be honor to be there as a chef.
The day was begun with 11 in the morning. My chef buddy, Andew was the day chef's right hand man, showed me the list and we prepare for the event. Only one menu that represented the restaurant was all ready cooked before the day. "Foie Gras poached in Red wine with a piece of Fruit Bread, Onion marmalade and Port Wine reduction." Each things needs long hours to be ready to eat. That is the reason I missed to see how to be done and everything was done after I came back from the day-off. We were ready in an hour and then helped rest of kitchen crew for service.
At 3 p.m, all three of us carried all the things to the event. The place wasn't that far from the restaurant, so we walked for five blocks. Guess what happened? We had an address but we were spinning around because unfinished building was on that address. We were confused. I even thought if we were at right place in right time. I suggested to leave everything on the street for now, then I will go for finding a place. I actually checked date and time everything on the booklet. I saw some of food supply delivery was going to that unfinished building, so walked to a construct worker and then, showed the booklet in order to find whether I came to right place. Once he confirmed the place, I went back to tell them that is the place.We were first kitchen team arrived that place. Surprisingly, the building was luxury apartment. Each room was opened for chefs and guests. I saw there were several tables for each restaurants in the room. We took one of tables and left all these thing we brought. I wondered why people chose this place since the place is neither convention center nor function room. On the same floor, there were only five unites, I saw each unites. I thought that all the chefs from 40 restaurants would not be fitted in whole unites. Anyhow, we were the earliest one, so the answer would be found when everybody were there.
We went to a pub for break till event was begun. We, three of us, had a good conversation. Especially, I felt I knew my chef more. We talk about food. He gave me some advice as well. He told me my seasoning is aways under so I have to watch out that. I heard my chef's story and my chef buddy story as well. He is one year younger and less year of experiences than me, yet he works really hard and is a good chef. He said his major at the college was Philosophy before stepped into kitchen. He was trained at all the top restaurants in New York. I don't want to go over with all the details of the conversation, but only one thing I want to say is that it was really good time. I got to know them better and they knew me better as well.
At the service hour, we were busy to present what we cooked. Some presses took photos of us and food. Many people kept asking what we cooked and what is on the dish. Funny story is I was supposed to say, "This is Foie Gras poached in Red Wine with onion marmalade, port wine reduction and fruit bread," but I said, "This red wine poached in Foie Gras." I didn't know why I did but it was actually confused the guest. It was fun, though. Our next tables were chefs with teams from Annisa and Wallse. We shared one other's dishes. I was good to taste the fine dish for free. Once the service was little slow, I visited to other tables and other rooms. As I was curious about how many kitchen team could fit on only one floor with five unites, I found that only 15 restaurants were attended. I was little bit disappointed, yet it was really good opportunity to taste all the samples of their dishes. My favorite was, of cause, my chef's menu: Foie Gras. It was really good. It was so good that one lady actually came back to our table for seven times, as many as Andrew counted. Second favorite was pork belly from East 15. Japanese infused pork was melted on my tong. Others were also good, there were no disappointment for sure.
I am finally writing about the day. I've been too lazy and busy. I've wanted to write about it but I just didn't do it. While I am writing, it was good feeling to remember the day I had fun, the day I felt that I was glad to be a chef.

Money, money that makes me worry

I want to study at Le Cordon Bleu and Culinary Institute of America since I started the cooking school in Korea. I've heard one student told about the CIA. She also said she plans to go there. I didn't know what kind of the school was at that time. Well, I should have gone to France to learn cooking at the beginning of my career. I did not know how to go to France and find a master chef to learn from. There was no such information I couldn't find back then. Perhaps, I might not be hard enough to find these kind of information. Whenever I go to book store, most of cook books that I can find was for house wives or from the famous school, such as Le Cordon Bleu. Even the foreign language book section had so limited collection to find a good cook that inspired me.
For now, I don't want to blame anything or anybody. Whenever I saw someone work better than me but has less years of experience, I am so angry at myself because one year in the cooking school, 1 year at family dining restaurant, 1 year at spaghetti restaurant, 2 years of military service and over one year of studying English didn't help me to be better, I am still shit. Because my past experiences weren't rich and seasoned, I think it probably be good idea to study at Culinary Institute of America and find a master chefs to learn their master skills. The only problem is I don't have enough money for anything. The school tuition fee is far expensive and working for the chef also takes a lot of cost, but I got nothing. Even though I really want to ask somebody about money, it is not too easy since I have to ask a lot of money. I've been asking my mother. She promised me for paying my education. However, the economy situation gave her a tough time to support her own son. So, I have to stand up by my own. But, how? I'm working at one Michelin starred restaurant but earning is not even enough for tuition or anything. I knew i am not happy with money situation. Somehow, I want to be happy in any circumstance, happy with working and studying. My pocket is always light as feather, my dream isn't. I have my dream. Not only I want to be a greatest chef, but I also want to be something different. That is my idea of my kitchen. In order to do that, I have to get threw this situation no matter what, beside anything stupid and illegal. Figuring out how live this life will not be easy but that is what I face on.

February has just begun

Wow, one more month from now, I will be at CIA. I feel like entering army. When I was going to military service, I was a sort of one of people who felt little bit of excitement because I always want to play with guns since I was a very little boy. I now feel extremely excited.
First day of February on Sunday is just finished. Today, I somehow enjoyed the day. I feel like the heart of my job is growing every day. Running around, making dishes in short limited time, chopping with fast speed, standing over 10 hours every day, being at sun-limited place, being at unknown behind of the house, working with all the dangerous tools, but being happy is us. That is why I love being at Kitchen.
From March, I am back to fundamental of cooking, to start again and correct everything. I think because I've wanted to study at Culinary Institute of America since I found myself in the kitchen. I hope I study very well like a nerd, a cool nerd.
This year is 10th years of working at kitchens, but wasted many years. I don't know why I am still bottom. I've been in underground for 10 years, under the Shadow. I am still nobody. I sometime am not sure whether I like my job. I haven't even found my real talent of cooking, yet I always have good feeling to work at kitchen. Feeling from earning money and learning many things in same time is good. I will become a man. As many people said, I think I have a such strong color. It is sometime to hard to digest other people's opinion. I think that is why I often make trouble. I almost live by my rule. I wanna do what I wanna do. I think this is me.
Anything makes me excited, I like it. Cooking career is really interesting job. You can see all the different people in one place. Even often, we work with many different nationality and background. It might be a title that brought from :Austin Power: The International Man, Roydon K: The International Man. The Idea of Roydon K was came out from my brain today. One of chef buddies in the kitchen asked me what my real name is. He meant what my Korean name is. I really don't want to speak Korean. I've been denied myself as a Korean. I really don't want to be a Korean anymore. I want to choose who I am. That is the reason I like to say I am an Aussie, not only because I used to live there. If I were in America before going to Australia, I probably would say I am an American. That could be more likely. There many Koreans live in USA. One of waitress in the restaurant told me her mother is a Korean. I felt wow I've never thought that meeting a second generation. I often act like a second generation because that is what I wanted to be. However, I usually worry what if the acting is kind of funny to them. I could completely be a phony, a living with liar. It more like as though I was rebelled. One the other hand, I keep saying myself being me. That is all I can do, having my color.
Past two years of falling at English school has improved my English. I've never though that I could write in English. I like write, thought. I wasted my time at Koreans' Kitchens for many years. So, from now, I have to fight myself. There is no time to be wasted. Since I even get a tattoo of "The chef," I have to be a chef. Call me Roydon K; No Korean, but just me.
After a month, I will step on the way to be a greatest. I will searching for the best, to be a best. Since I started what I want to become long times ago and there is now noway to return, I have be the best. What I face on is the real. That is only the way to get out from the slump.

Finally My Life Added on Soundtrack

If my memory is correct, my first generation I Pod was broken in 2006. Since then, I couldn't hear any music beside turning on my computer, I wanted I pod for so long. When I was a teenager, I had a cassette player with a head phone. I thought that it look very cool. I had all these cassette player and CD player with a big head phone. The sound comes from head phone better than ear phone as I believe since I opened ear to music. One day,I saw some teenagers on the train. Most of them had I pod on their hands, and I thought. When I was that age, I recorded music from radio, but people now download from computer online. Funny, uh? I thought I am very old guy just because of that.

My best friend when I was a very little was soil, sand and nature. My father told me about when my father moved to the capital city. He said that I was look very depressed at the first a couple of months. I didn't say any thing but my father realized that I was often play on the ground, so he actually brought some soil from my grand mother's ground, where my usual play ground was, to roof top, so that I could play with safely under his eyes. After then, I was look always happy.

That is the thing. One thing you used to do with is separated from you, you probably miss that thing until you reunion with that. My juvenile was bloomed with listening music anywhere I go. Now,I can't live without listing music even though I am a chef, not a musician. I sometimes like to think about what if my life is like the movie. My eye is firming, my brain is directing, music from my head phone is soundtrack of my life. Listing music, sound ordinary? but Listening music is one of my heat. I still like to cook, thought.

Tomorrow, I mean 9 hours from now, is going to be busy day. I got to be ready, so sleep, now.

at Eleven Madison Park

At the door of Eleven Madison Park, Maitre D pointed one of my badges on my bag because the badge says "I heart porn." Although he said nicely "Could you take off that (pointed my bag but he didn't say I love porn), please," He looked at me like "What the fuck! Oh my god! Is he stupid or something." I said It doesn't mean anything, though." But still he said "please" and looked at me like 'Oh for god sake! Oh my god. Are you serious?' Anyhow, I took it off as he demanded. Since the restaurant was such high standard restaurant, I could understand why he asked me to removed the badge. I believe he didn't mean to me, he just did his job.

After meeting with Executive sous chef, I could change to chef jacket and go to the kitchen. The kitchen was enormously huge. I guess it was the biggest kitchen I've never been whole my chef career. Kitchen made me feel nerves and, at the same time, exciting to be there. Well organized spaces and all the chefs work very hard. I can smell the kitchen. Very light and good. By the way, I like that feeling in the morning I go inside of the walk-in. As long as no food was spoiled in there, smell is very delicious and make me eat something.

First impression was very good. The monster size of kitchen and many working hard chefs in the kitchen made me really small me even though I am a small guy. One of chefs showed me around and i stared chopping. The time I started work was almost finished lunch service, so lunch, dinner shift chefs, and prep kitchen cooks were packed in the kitchen. Every corner and sections were filled with hard working chefs. Cooking, chopping, and laughing from little chatting while their hands were busy. I was too nervous. I almost barely spoke English. First day, so what the hell!! Chopped few things and did whatever other chefs asked me to do, when Ex. sous chef found mistake from my works, I felt really sham, I said my self, "Fucking Roy, You are fucking chef.Oh come on!! Please don't let you down." I saw another chef seasoned lobster something mixture and I couldn't taste anything he added, which meant the mixture needed more ingredients. Anyhow, I didn't say anything about it and the chef upset to him. I just simply don't want to say something like as if I knew everything unless someone asks me, it is just my thing. I helped them to set up the section and did some preps as well. One of black pants chef, only the level is above the sous chef allows to wear black pant at some kitchens, asked me to come to the front of the kitchen where the dishes are served to costumers in the dining room by waiters.

Before I stood at the pass, I tasted several dished. First dish was little bit size of canape. My impression was the small flavorful bites were very pretty. These had every that canape needs, such as size and attractive color. Each bites were pretty good,especially I like that foie gras. Next dish I had was crab wrapped with avocado slices. With some flowers and dills, the dish was very colorful but taste wasn't that flavorful. I guess this dish more emphasized on natural flavor of crab because it had lightly seasoned. However, it was good. I also had today's Amuse. Chapped lobster and some sort of jelly I can't remember what it was, it was came with hot soup so it makes to start the meal warmly in cold winter season.

At the pass, I was watching the service. I'd really prefer doing something to standing at the pass and watching the service. I wanted to be a part of action. Since I wasn't trained to cook the dishes at that kitchen, I had no choice but standing. Eleven Madison park served very interesting food. Three Michelin stars size of kitchen, dining room, service and dishes, yet they haven't had chance to gain even one stars since they opened. Some people carefully said that they used too much sous-vide cooking. As matter of the fact, I saw many ingredients, such as lamb, chicken, beef and fish, were placed in the plastic wrap or pack then cooked in certain temperature. First of all, all the dishes were very detailed and colorful. Second, the some of taste was actually not bad. However, the chicken dish wasn't look so tasteful. Okay, it was nice touch to put some slices of truffle underneath of chicken skin but it was poached. chicken was really white. More likely itself says "I am white meat!" I'd prefer crispy chicken skin. My chef told me the best way to cook chicken is to cook with lot of butter. Butter will make crispy chicken skin and gives extra flavor and moisture. The chicken was as white as white plate. About the lamb dish, it was also wrapped and cooking in water, so it actually dipped it into sauce. By the time the lamb was arrived at the pass, it was already covered with dripping sauces. I tasted a piece. Luckily, the sauce wasn't that too strong enough to cover the lamb flovor that I expected; otherwise I probably couldn't taste meaty. However, I like lamb itself more than sauce.

Executive Sous chef,Fabien Beafour, asked me what my specially is. Frankly, I don't have my color yet. I'm still developing. I said I don't have any specialty yet I like to cook french food. A few minute later, he brought me a couple eggs, a red onion and mushroom and asked me to make French Omelet. The first word in my mind was "Shit!" and "Really?" I really didn't want to do it. At the first day, I don't want to make embarrass myself, yet I didn't have any choice and the time was ticking, I had a half hours. Another condition was that I could use anything in the kitchen. Well, I have made omelet before for myself and someone who woke up with me. It could be my excuse but I have only done the omelet at the cooking school. I knew it is basic. Learning the cooking in Korea absolutely didn't help me to cook something beside knife skills. My brain was busy. I just had Iron chef challenge. Today's menu is French Omelet which using the main ingredients of red onion, mushroom and egg. Okay French Omelet, how the fuck I cook it? Indeed, what the fuck is French omelet? Shit, I don't want to be judged by cooking something I've never done and heard before in front of someone. Anyway, I tried. I needed non-stick pan but I couldn't find. As i expected, ordinary pan couldn't help me to make omelet so my plan B was scramble egg. Cooked it and served to the black pants chefs. They tasted it and then disappointed. Chef Fabien even told me he will tell me how to cook French omelet or something if I came back to kitchen next time. Well, sound good but I overheard he was talking about me in the locker room with other chefs. That made me really sham about myself. It was really shock.

Past over 8 years of cooking wasn't absolutely nothing. I Knew my former training wasn't that rich and seasoned. I knew I have to study hard and work hard. My problem is this; I love something but I only love it. I don't push myself hard and put much effort to reach the goal. My conclusion is this it was good experience to be at Eleven Madison Park. However, the kitchen wasn't where I want to work. Big kitchen has sometimes better benefit than small kitchen. Although it has more spaces, less hours work and stress, perhaps, I have to work one job every day. What I like is I want to multi-play at the kitchen. I believe I am a fast learner. I could adjust easily. Another word, if I could every sections in the kitchen, I could be a better chef. The final words, I remember my chef told me if someone start cooking with sous-vide, the person can cook only with that, yet cooking not all about the sous-vide.

Chef Fabien saw my little card and then said why I put the title of chef since I am yet to be chef who couldn't make even egg dish. My answer was this "I am actually qualified chef in Korea and I want to be a chef so I called my self as a chef." At that time, I couldn't make French Omelet to him, but one day, I became a masterful chef, I will serve him same dish in my restaurant and ask him how it was.

New Year has been began,but my blog has not been

New Year has been came and my new year has came happily.
Just got new Domain address and just started New days.
I want to be happy more and crazy more about what I do for my life.
Meeting with many people, Listening more and talking less.
Smile more but angry less. Be positive and optimistic.
Study hard, not party hard. Learning chef, not snobby chef.
I am not a layer lawyer. I am a honest chef.
More love and less hate
Be healthier and sexier.
Aways having fun with my life.
Well calculated A plan is always better than plan B.
Think more, read more, write more, earn more and learn more
Spend less and save more.
These are my new year resolution.
Happy new year every body even though 24 days late.
Watch me how I will became.
I am so happy. I don't want to be angry or upset.
Let's be happy. We don't have forever life to be happy.
While we are alive, we got to do; otherwise, we will regret when we die.

Past Three days...

I've been busy or I've been trying to be busy. I want to work at two different kitches in seven days, yet no answer from Anthos made me have three days off every week. At the beginning, it was good, though. My girl was leaving the town shortly, so i spent the days with her, such as visiting State of Liberty and shopping for her family. Now, she has gone, she went back to her home country, so I have to find the way how to spent the day wisely. I am looking for more experiences, the experiences of my career. I want to see as many kitchen as I can and taste many variety of dishes. I am still envy that someone cooks very deliciously. All the time, I jealous someone can cook better than me. Maybe because I have little bit passion of cooking, or I am starting to have ego of better cooking skills. I really hate to eat instant Ramen or any junk food because the taste is absolutely terrible. However, I usually don't have many choice of food that I can eat. Since the life is too tight and there is no money out from working trails, that could the best option. Every Penny is worthy to me. I've tried to spend less than 10 dollars in a day. These all the reasons was realized me that I should find the kitchens where I could have one day working trial. I hungry for better food and better me in the kitchen. More I see many dishes and more dishes I taste, I could have better sense of food for sure. I've been my career for whole my adulthood, so I'd attempted to switch my career. I love art, especially photography and painting. I could have become a designer. However I found the attraction of chef career. Chefs are extremely hard workers. I used to work as a constructor worker. People tend to say that this is the most toughest job, yet my opinion from experiencing of both jobs is that chef job is way more tough than another. Even though the hours is long and job is tough, chefs love what they do. The feeling from cooking for somebody is quite good. I love that feeling. They knew how to eat better way. They knew how to make people feel special. They are just great for me. I'm always having so much fun at the kitchen. When the busy day. I feel usually very exciting. I feel extreme, simply really cool feeling. I am on the steps to be the greatest. The only way I can clime up that high fast is all up to me. No one can do. Someone maybe the good adviser or helper, but all the matter is sill my job. Past three day, I felt little bit stepped up. I went to working trial Eleven Madison Park, The Dining in New York function with my chef and a good chef buddy from Veritas, and observation trial at Gramercy Tavern. I guess I spent my three days wisely last week.