Today, I feel terrible and depressed right after I found that I have to prove over $350,000 on the bank account and my mother could barely afford only $10,000. I'm fucking broken right now. Well, I have $7 in my pocket. I really want to study. Even though, I just graduated ELS courses, I still couldn't open CIA's door because of the money. I don't know what I should do. Should I go back to Korea in order to make some savings? Should I buy some lotto? Should I beg some money from people on the street? Frankly, I am ready to do it!! I really hate my life. I enormously want to study as soon as possible so that I can get a job soon, which mean I can make money soon. I love my career so much that I don't want to think about how much money that I made, yet I have to think about it since I am a part of this world. How tragedy! My dad is in the heaven and My mother is in the financial crisis. My father is finally rest in peace after 26 years of pain and suffers from work, family, and disease. However, because I am her son, she is now suffering from supporting me. I feel terrible about that. I am fucking 28 years old. All my savings from past career had been spent long times ago. I am now asking money from my mother. I am really bad, really really bad. I probably am not a good son due to fact that I gave more hard time to my mother. If I was working, I could support my mother's expenses. She got married her early 20's, when she was 20. She spent her adulthood with helping her husband and rising her children. She didn't have her own life and still she couldn't have. Although my mother runs real estate business, she almost closes down since people less spent money to buy or rent the properties. I've been owning this web page for a couple months; nevertheless, I still couldn't get any donations. I need some action. What I got to do is to sit on the street with a picket that said,
"Searching for scholarship!! I am Roydon Kwangwoo Kim, a Korean chef from Australia. I came New York to study at Culinary Institute of America. However, since the financial crisis is happening right now and I need some money to start studying at the school, I am now ask you to help me to start to study. If you wish me to cook, I can cook for you as long as you provide ingredients and little amount of scholarship. I am fully qualified and 9 years experienced chef. I can prove you. I wish I could work somewhere, yet due to difficult situation, nobody hires me. All your big scholarship will help me to study, I'd appreciate all your helps. Thank you."
