Paris, the city I want to stay

This photo is one of my favorite photo that I shoot. Paris is really wonderfully city, especially in Black and white. This city is to live, not to leave. After a few months later, I am going to leave this city to explore other side of France in order to find real French cuisine. I will miss Effel Tower. Effel Tower is the most noticeable that makes me realize I am actually at Paris. Furthermore, I love to take shots at it with others in Paris.

Paris, I am telling you. It’s been wonderful time to be with you and at you. One more thing is that I will miss you and you will always make me to come back to you. I want to speak French and I want to be here again. However, I also think I belong  to New York where I feel more likely to fit into.  I am getting old and I am in my 30s. I am not sure whether I can come back here to live again but, if there is any chance to me back here again, I will grab it without having second thoughts because I LOVE PARIS!

Series of my Cuisine

24 hours slowly braised Lamb shoulder in Red Wine with Parsnip puree, Chinese artichoke, Chips of Carrot selections and Green herb salad

First Story after re-new web address- leftover story

I’ve been living nearly a year, now. When I left New York and Korea to come here, I didn’t really plan anything and even it was kind of last minute decision. The whole reason of coming here was to find out what is all about real French cuisine. I want to have a base of French cuisine. Yes, I want to create my own cuisine on top of concreted French cuisine knowledge.


When I look back my past days of living and working at Paris, even though I had many struggles and rough days, I truly believe it was the good choice that I made for my life. I become more confidence and creative of my job. I’ve never thought about developing my own creation to Parisians and people from all around world. A small and casual wine bistro “Le Verre Volé” was the first main stage out of Korea for me. It’s been my shows there. I’ve been growing inside and outside. I became eager to do my job. In other words, I might be aggressive sometimes at the kitchen yet, that is because I love my job so much and I want to do my job right and taste good.

End of next month I have to leave the restaurant due to visa. I don’t have any regrets of leaving but, the experience gave me strong desire of having my own stage to create my own cuisine. What is my next step?? I am going to travel around world to discover the all the cuisine that I want to know more and the cuisines of great chefs to absolve into my cuisine. It will take me 1 year to do and I probably need a lot of money to travel. I don’t think there is no problem to keep on my plan. Though, I wish I own a car because I can travel easy and carry my stuffs in the car. Although I don’t have much savings to have any luxuries, I believe I could do some works for cash, such as cooking for money or a bed. I also can take photos for any special occasions. Currently, I’ve been practice guitar so, I could be a street musician. This blog might help me to continue my plan. Anyway, I can do anything for money and learn cuisines without earning.

I’ve been sending emails to arrange to do learning experiences. My master plan is getting clear and clear. I will spend more time in South France to find out real French cuisine until End of May. Belgium will be next a month. There is a restaurant I want to be and I am getting an answer to be there. My summer will be at England, working at some different restaurants and attending at a music festival. I hope that I would get to a restaurant in Denmark which is considering as world number one restaurant. Otherwise, I will probably stop by other cities in Europe to meet my friends who can show me the local cuisine and experience local life there. Whether I get to Denmark or not, I will visit my friends in Europe and Asia.

I am still searching for the option of going to Asia without getting on air plane since I am not in rush to go anywhere I want to go. My first plan was to go Moscow to get on 7 days train trip to cross the Russia and then ferry to Japan and Korea. Another hand, I want to go Turkey, Israel, India, Thai and, Singapore as well so, I should get on the train to get threw all these countries. If there is anyone can give me any information about it, I would be appreciate for it.

I am going to keep writing about my journey and I hope everyone enjoy with my stories

my blog is finally re-opend with new name

Rated R means that everything here is my own style. New attetude and new name will make me to work more on my work

Slow Walking

Sometime, any person needs to walking slowly in order to catch the breath and think of how far has been threw. Well, I've been running. I want to reach the top so bad that I've never thought anything carefuly and wisely. That is why need to walk slowly even though I really didn't want to waste even one minute.
Now, I am just waiting to get hired somewhere where I desire to work. I've sent a lot of letter to all the finest restaurant in the world and hotels. Meanwhile, I am going to work whatever I got to save some money. So far, I got nothing to work. I feel like I am usless junk, but since I spend more time with my family and my friend, no one actually complain of me staying home alone.
I hate not to have any job because I feel like I am not capability to do absolutly anything.
Wherever wants me to work there, I will pack my lugguage. Untill then, I am still a freelancer, perhaps...

Depression

Currently, I am a unemployee. If I wasn't live with my mom in Korea, I would have been a homeless somewhere. I had a job as a head chef. It was good but it wasn't good as i thought, so I left. People might think I don't have much patient that I couldn't even stay at least one year. Maybe right and maybe wrong, however I don't regret the decision. I only think it wasn't smart move. Since I left the job, I got a lot of time to think many things, and I realized that I've never had any smart move, just like this time.
I probably look for high jump, yet the height isn't reachable. I should step by one step so that I could reach the goal I've been dreaming. What am I now? I am a nothing, just any trash in the bin.
Nowadays, I think myself as a non-name rock singer. Even though I have a guitar, and I know how to sing, I got nowhere to explore myself. Just like that, I got all these kinds of knives and I knew how to cook, there is nowhere I can step in. Perhaps, due to high expectation of becoming a "name" chef, I couldn't find where I should belong to.
The stage of Korea isn't the place. Many Korean chefs have lack of passion and professionalism. As matter of the fact, there way too many ingredients are unavailable and too expensive. Plus that, many Koreans are yet to enjoy the fantasy world of cuisine. That is the reason why I should turn my head to overseas.
When I was in Sydney, I met fresh herb and so many ingredients. I met many great chefs when I was in New York. I want to be there again. Anywhere where I can learn and earn; furthermore where I can step up to next level, I want to go for it.
The only thing that bugging me is that I don't have enough money to do anything, so what should I do? This question drives me nut and makes me depressed.

What restaurants in Korea need...

I've thought about restaurants in Korea. From what I have seen restaurant industry in several couturiers, I do believe restaurant industry in Korea is way to behind. it might be too soon to conclude, yet Korean chefs and restaurateurs should notice that.
First, Korea usually depends on current trend and anyone who is famous on TV. For example, when many Korean celebrities earn enough money to open any business, they open restaurants under his/her name, as his/her name would guarantee the food and anything that involve to restaurant. From my observation, what I have seen was these restaurants are usually short term investment, so does following current trend. When I came back to Korea, one TV show about cooking was popular. The TV show was all about chefs who work at a pasta restaurant. I don't know whether this is the cause of too many pasta restaurants in Seoul, but I have god damn hard time to find a job where I don't have to cook only pasta.
As many people live in Seoul, there are so many restaurants in Seoul; therefore, it seems like supplying satisfy demanding. However, what about the quality of food? Does anyone agree with me? Da, there so many fucking franchise restaurants produce factory-made food, people only concern about what current trend is and anyone just open a restaurant even though that anyone never have any experience of restaurant business. Where is unique and own style?
Please do not get me wrong. I don't mean every restaurant isn't like that. There are numbers of respectable restaurants. My point is we need we need better restaurants. Better restaurant doesn't mean expansive restaurant but good food and good place to hang out

In Korea..

I've stepped on Korean soil for almost a month. what have I been doing here? Pretty much nothing! Since I used to live overseas for many years, I don't have any connection to get a good job. Perhaps, it is my excuse to not be employed.
I am looking for a job so badly. Living in my mom's place without having my own space makes me feel like a looser, you know a big "L" sign on my forehead.
Anyhow, I don't whatever the reason is, I still don't have a "actual job". I don't look for anything particular but I only need a right place to explore my imagination of cooking.
I've been making a plan for my life. I wanted to finish the study at CIA. I didn't want to get marry. I called myself as a bachelor. Now, all these thing are slowly brushing off. I still do want to study more than anything. Another hand, the only reason I want to study was to get a job in Europe. Only because I didn't have enough money to study and I don't think I would make enough money to study, either. I was going to lend some money, but I don't see any point of it any more.
My new goal is to open a restaurant in Australia. Why? There are many good restaurants and the land is the perfect place to run a restaurant. This time if I go Australia, I don't want to go by myself. I will need a someone who can be with me, who can cheer me up and who I can take care. If there is someone can be with me, i would do better constrain on my work.
In order to reach my dream, I'd better have a job where I can practice of being owner and chef. Next two or three years will be my prep time to serve in Australia.
Therefore, I am speak up to everyone "Please help me to reach my goal"

My situation right now

I really feel pathetic. I don't know what I am doing now. Okay, I am still waiting for my last pay check, which has been over three weeks, and W-2 report to get tax refund. Meanwhile, I've been looking for a job, and thinking of what I should do. As a resolute, I am broken right now. Even, my computer is also broken, what a coincident! I don't know how much I am going to get tax back, but so far what I know is that I've no idea how to go back to Korea.
Well, I don't want to ask my mom to rescue me from America since I am a 30-years old man. My ego is too high? I want to get threw all my situation by myself no matter what. Even though It will be too risky, I don't think life is not like running around soft grass filed. My believe of the life is the battle filed because I have to fight something to get threw and be tougher.
I've been very unproductive weeks and I want to end up. In order to do that, I might need help. I think this is the time to beg.

Past a week

Last week today, I had a last day at the work. Since then, my life was kind of being miserable. Well, it is my choice to walk out and find a new job. So far, I've got no luck, too bad for me, right? I might have to move out from the state. Going back to Korea won't be the solution, but if I don't want to have a legal trouble, it could be the only option that I have for now.
This time, I want to work at where everyone wants to work. That is problem. I don't know anyone who help me to get a job, or i don't have a noticible speciality to hire immiediently. I did believe I have a spectacular knife skill but that's every chef's skill as well. Now, my question is that chef career is really right for me?
I don't want to blame anything but, past my life, whenever I want to do something, there is always some other thing block me; whenever I want to study, I don't have enough money to study. And whenever I want to work, there is no job available. What should I do?
I don't have enough money now, I even no idea how to pay next rent. Only way is to give a month notice and move out end of next month. However, where should I move to?
Only because I don't have enough money, I've been locking myself everyday. I really didn't want to eat anymore instant noodle. I am trying to spend as less as possible, but it is hard. When all my money is done and I don't have a job until then, I have no choice but living on the street. I have to find out how to continue this life.
I am still waiting for calling from chefs. Past ten years of being nobody, I strongly desire to be somebody.
Past a week, I have any reason to wake up, but now I want to be happy when I wake up.

On my way to the city

I am waiting a train to the city. I don't know what I'm going to, neither have a plan. I just wanna go for some reason.
My life is like that: unpredictable. My age is going to be 30, and I should turn new chapter to write new story. However, I have no story to start the new chapter. Ten years of cooking career is good enough to concrete my career because I still feel as if I got lost somewhere. Just because I spent one third of my life to cook, I want to keep doing what I do, yet all the time I questioning myself if it is really I want do to. Simply following order from the big chef isn't surely what I am best at.
I think I am very individual, who doesn't cooperate with others. Another hand, I love to do things together with others. Perhaps, I probably have a good balance between being selfish and people person, I don't know; just like what I absolutely want to do for my life.
I desperately need something that turn my life to new chapter. It can be as similar as looking for a needle in the sand, but I have to find it.

Sunday

I just took shower and got dressed. Past two days of locking myself in my room, I wanted to go to the city. Only problem is that outside is raining and I don't want to carry around my only one umbrella saying "Thomas Henkelmann". It's from the work and I am no longer belong there.
Many times when chef was upset at me, chef said all the time, "next time will be your last day!" I just couldn't take that bull shit any more, so I quit the job. I spent two days to write a cover later, but I haven't finished yet. I got so much thing to say; why I had to quit the job, what I look for and blah blah. The only thing I look for is to have better life and make me happy to work. Work can be simply work without having a meaning of it. That is why career is different from simply a job.
I didn't work with people who don't have professionalism and passion of cooking. It doesn't I do have. Whether become one or now is the matter of environment as I believe. I am not just upset of him but also the environment. I couldn't take it anymore. I feel kinda good to be out of that job.
Now, I have to find a new opportunity. Wherever I got a job, I will go. My life get tougher but I am getting even tougher. People, please, cross your fingers for me

Angry at...

Angry at my life,
Angry at what I haven't done,
Angry at what I should have done,
Angry at myself who still doesn't know what to do for my life,

Life is like as if I am walking on nowhere in foggy.
I can only see a few feet away but not further.
Sometimes, I want to get out so badly, so I run.
When I run, I often fall over,
or I fall into a whole.

It was trap, and there is noway to out.
For a little while, I might try hard to get out.
Somehow, I might accept the situation.
Often, I might not believe the hope; hopeless but not happiness.
Eventually, I probably push myself hard to get off from the situation.

There is always the solution
The only way I can find is all up to me.
Whether take the situation is also all up to me.

Live the god damn life! Do not fuck around with it.
There is probably some meaning of why I am breathing right now.
I am still angry at many things, but I always dream to be much happy.
Someday, I will find something that makes me so happy

Can't Die so Live....

Nowadays, I couldn't find the meaning of the life. I still don't know what I should do for life. I couldn't find anything what I want to be. I don't have any talent, not at all. I don't know what I am good at. I sometimes have a fantasy of being killed by something, but I am still alive. Which is good thing, right? Whatever, I am afraid of dying. Even if I got illness, I would not go to hospital and spend so much money to cure my body. I simply want to go to in middle of jungle to wait my last day. I don't have much stuffs but I will donate my books to Culinary Institute of America and rest of them to people who needs more than I do. That is probably the last thing I can do someone.

About My Career

I am a chef. I loved my job so much that I enrolled courses at Culinary Institute of America. Even though I like what I do, I am still a worst cook in the kitchen. I knew how to cut, but I still don't understand how to cook. I've this career for 10 years. I don't know anything about my career. Sometimes, I don't know the meaning of this career because we, chefs, don't have any life beside working in the kitchen like a dog. Why? Why we have to dedicate our lives to working for some famous chefs or something else. Okay, I understand that we have to love our career so much; otherwise we can't stand by the heat. What i found really funny thing about working in the kitchen was that once a chef tasted money, there is no such thing as humanity.
My last boss in Australia, he was one of well known chef in Sydney. His restaurant was top of only one casino in the city, and it's "One Hat"(more likely one Michelin Star) restaurant. When I contracted employment, the paper said I would work for 45 hours a week and over times fees. It was great package since I was going to work for a corporation. However, the reality was different from what I expected. I work from 12 to 12 everyday without having any break time. On Friday, I had to come back the kitchen at 9 in the morning since we had lunch service. I worked around 70 hours a week. Guess what? On my pay check, I only received 45 hours. I really didn't understand why. I asked him if I can get over time, but what he said was that since I worked for a good chef, him, and learn from him, it was okay to not get paid. He also said that there are many people work for him for free to learn something. What I wanted to said was "Bullshit!" I knew you worked for 29 years something and you make money like million dollars every year, but you treat your labors like slaves. I needed money to save for my education in the US. I couldn't make any deal with the chef, I talked to the company before I resigned the job. The chef called me on the phone and said he wanted to speak to me before I leave. I thought that I could get a reference for all my hard works. It was trick. When I left the job, I gave Korean cooking books to the chef and his Sous chef for appreciation. When I went back to the restaurant, he was angry at me for reporting over time to the company. Well, other two Kiwis asked the money and got some, so why not me? He threw me the book that I gave to him. I guess he didn't need my appreciation, so I threw away it into a bin. Seriously, what the fuck was that?
In New York City, I've seen many "Famous Starred Chef" hired cheap labors to make more money, not better food. I did believe cooking career is professional filed. Anybody can cook for sure. Food is the most fundamental thing, so everyone have to cook to eat something, right? As result, everyone can cook. However, how many people are professional cook? Here, in America, are many inexpensive labors coming from poor country. It wouldn't matter whether the restaurant is high standard or not, many chefs hire people from these country.
I feel sometimes really unfair about this situation. I've spent all my life and money to step up. I've been cooking as a professional although I am still not good at it. Only because many chef-owners want to make more money and save money from not hiring professional chefs, including myself, many formally trained chef couldn't get a job.
Seriously, what the fuck? Which is more important between money and morality?
In short term business, the chef would make a lot of money, yet the chef probably loose the business some day.
What I have in my mind is that we need revolution!! We need a strong chef union to protect our career. I'd like to organize the union but one man isn't enough. I need more people and restaurants to get together strongly. Chefs are united!! We need our job back from untrained and cheap labors.